Bachelor Pad 3 {Week 6} Kalon? Likeable? Who knew?!

Admit it, you never thought you'd be cheering for Kalon! Okay, maybe you still aren't. I definitely wouldn't say I'm cheering... but I did enjoy seeing him behave like a normal human towards Lindzi.

Let me know what you're thinking of the season so far. I think there are only a couple more episodes left. Are you even still watching at this point? 

Bachelor Pad 3 {Week 5}

When you get to the end of my Storify recap, you'll see that Chris (the contestant, not the host) favorited one of my tweets and I was all "YAY! Chris favorited one of my tweets!!" But then, after I pulled the story together, Ed favorited AND retweeted one of my tweets!

And there was much rejoicing.

But not any editing of my Storify recap because I was already in bed. Plus, then I can still be talking about it next week.

Also, yes. I realize what a HUGE dork it makes me to be excited when someone who is mainly only famous in their own eyes interacts with me on Twitter. But, whatever. My dorkiness is not news. What might be news to you is that I actually think Ed is fantastic. Totally drunk. Not very well behaved. But fantastic.

Oh, 4 Pete's Sake

Normally I would consider bragging about one's intelligence to be extremely, well, unintelligent. And just plain bad manners. But, I think it's necessary just this once so you can understand the ridiculousness of the remainder of this story. So...

• My IQ falls within the "superior" range.
• I have a degree in Economics, which involved a fair amount of dealing with numbers.
• I earned that degree with honors.
• On a daily basis, I am responsible a piece of software which cost my company seven figures.
• Last week I beat my niece at the match game.

However, I am apparently unable to distinguish between the numerals 3 and 4.

Look, I don't claim to be the greatest at math. But numbers? Well, prior to about 12 hours ago, I never questioned my ability to recognize them. I mean, that's more in the "literacy" realm, right? Furthermore, reading numbers is what got me in this predicament.

You see, my gas bill came in. It was $80+ dollars. Normally, in the summer months, my gas bill is $20-30. The only appliances that run off natural gas are the water heater and the furnace. During our last billing cycle, the average temperature was (no joke) 100°. Rest assured that the furnace wasn't turned on. So, the water heater. For two people to bathe daily and for a couple of loads of laundry a week washed in hot water. Something was clearly not right.

I called the gas company and the lady requested that I go out to the meter so she could walk me through reading it. Here's how it went:

Her: There are 4 dials across the top row. Each have hands like a clock. I will ask you one by one to tell me where each hand is. Okay?
Me: Yes.
Her: Beginning on the left, where is the hand?
Me: On the 4.
Her: I need to know which two numbers the hand is between. The 3 and the 4?
Me: No. It's directly on top of the 4.
Her: No, it will be between two numbers.
Me: It's ON the 4.
Her: We'll come back to that one. The next one, please...
(I read the remaining numbers)
Her: Now, on the first one, does it look like it's approaching the 4 as if it were coming off of the 3? Or does it look like it's passing the 4, headed to the 5?
Me: No.
Her: Which one?
Me: Neither. It's COVERING the 4. It is DIRECTLY ON TOP OF THE 4!!
Her: That can't be right. That would be an astronomical difference from your last reading.
Me: Which is why I'm calling...
Her: Ma'am, I assure you that can't be right.
Me: Ma'am, I assure you that it is dead center of the 4.
Her: It's okay. Sometimes it will look like one number but it's actually another number.
Me: Sure. But, in this case, it's on the 4. Would you like to send someone out here to re-read the meter and verify that it is on the 4?
Her: That won't be necessary. I'm going to adjust your bill down to 3. There's just no way it's a 4. If it's still high next month, we'll send someone then. Is there anything else I can help you with today?
Me: Yes, perhaps you could send me some flash cards so I can brush up on my numbers.

Okay, fine, I didn't say the very last line. But everything else is exactly as it happened.

Still, I feel like I should double-check. This is a four, right?

And, while I realize it's a terrible picture and there's a shadow exactly where I'm asking you to look, the hand of the first dial is on the 4, is it not?

Audreya, maybe once a decade you could wipe off the cover of your meter.

Because exchanges like this make me question my sanity. Not my intelligence. My sanity. And I certainly don't need any help in that area.

Bachelor Pad 3, Week 4

Who'da thunk it? On Emily's season Kalon was the complete $*&#%! and Chris was a bit immature but generally likeable. Not on the Pad. Kalon is quiet, just dropping a few one-liners here and there and Chris? Well, Chris is EVERYWHERE! I know you have to blame "the edit" for a lot of things in reality TV, but dude! Chris is giving them material out the wazoo.

Bachelor Pad 3, Week 3: Wax Museums Terrify Me

This season of the Bachelor Pad isn't doing much for me. It's not that I expect high-brow discussions or anything, but I just don't find any of the people all that interesting. The people I hoped would be all crazy and dramatic (Kalon) have hardly said two words and people I barely remember (Sarah) are getting a lot of camera time. Maybe as a few more players are eliminated, the remaining ones will really up their game. Or maybe, speaking of Games, I'm just too focused on the Olympics.

What about you? Is anyone even watching?

Greatness

It's been about 12,000° outside for the last few weeks, so I've pretty much been cooped up in the house watching TV. Fortunately, the Olympics are on. While this could easily turn into 5,000 words about how much I love the Olympics, that's actually not my main point.

But, as long as we're on the subject, I do LOVE the Olympics. I am terribly unathletic... but for one summer every four years, I get to be an expert on swimming, diving, gymnastic, geopolitics, archery, athletic apparel, track and field, and who is dating someone from a rival team. Also, I am terribly unemotional... but for one summer every four years, I tear up at almost every shot in the crowd of an overjoyed parent whose child just medaled or at every story of someone who escaped a horrible fate and became a world class athlete.  Then, two years later, I repeat it all for the Winter Games.
By the end of the two weeks, I'm in a zombie-like state from too many hours in front of the TV and too many weepy medal ceremonies. And I wouldn't have it any other way. I love the Olympics.

So, given my Olympic-sized emotions already, it should come as no surprise to you that a Nike commercial last night reduced me to a blubbering heap. Not to mention that it aired right before the men's 4 x 200 relay and somehow managed to keep my mind on the commercial much more than on Ryan Lochte. That's serious, y'all.

It's not the first ad I've seen in this series, but it was the first time I saw this particular ad. And maybe the only time I remember watching a commercial and thinking "HOLY CRAP! THAT WAS FANTASTIC!"

Seriously, I loved everything about it. I love the simplicity. No in your face graphics. No loud music. Just a person jogging. The sound of footfall and heavy breathing. Then when the jogger got close enough to see that he was overweight... and that he was a teen, whoa! (Well, I think he's actually 12, but close enough.) While I appreciated the message in the voiceover that spoke of greatness not being some magical power but being something in all of us, I was primarily fixed on the boy.

It's easy to say "Whatever. He's an actor." But he's not. He's a kid from London, Ohio. He puked while they were filming. He's awesome.

Do yourself a favor and don't read the comments after the YouTube clip. Any faith in humanity the commercial restored will quickly be destroyed by the trolls. "Why would a parent exploit their child like this?" "Now this kid is going to get bullied." "Running when you're obese is terrible for your joints." and on and on.

I assure you this kid has already been bullied. Considering that he and I are roughly the same height and he actually weighs 25 pounds less than I did last year when I decided to get healthier, I can promise you his joints hurt while he was jogging.  But, he did it anyway. Sure, now he gets to say that he's been in a Nike ad, but somehow I doubt that was his only motivation. I like to think he did it partly to prove he could do it.

Maybe he should consider lower-impact forms of exercise. Maybe not. That's between him and his doctor. But the point is that he did something. Even if it was just for the commercial, it's still more than I did yesterday. It was a great reminder that I don't have to be an Olympic athlete - I don't even have to be a runner - but there's no reason my yoga mat has been rolled up for the last two weeks or that I don't even know where my tennis shoes are in case I decided to go for a walk on the indoor, air-conditioned track my city provides free of charge. I've got excuses. What I need is a little greatness. And about everything, not just fitness.

Nathan Sorrell, I've got mad respect for you. I think you're an incredibly brave young man. You've inspired me. That's not easy to do.

And Nike, congrats to you, too. For a split second, you almost convinced me to go for a jog. Then I remembered my doctor really did tell me not to jog. So maybe I'll just buy some Nike gear instead.