Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 23, 2012
Bachelor Pad 3 {Week 1}
Let me know what you think!!
It was weird to sit and watch the show without a notepad for the first time since I've started doing these recaps. But, I've got to say, it was kind of awesome. Watching the show and reading the reactions on Twitter made for a completely mindlessly entertaining 2 hours for me. Score!
If you're watching next week, be sure to tweet or comment on my Facebook post so I can include your thoughts.
The Bachelorette: Emily {Finale and After The Final Rose}
Before we get to the recap, just a reminder about Monday's night's Bachelor Pad premiere... I am going to be semi-live tweeting as the episode airs. I say "semi-live" because I won't start the episode until probably 7:15 or so. I have to have a little cushion to skip the commercials. (Viva la DVR!!) Then I'll pull my tweets - and yours! - into Storify and create a cute little recap. I'm not making a special hashtag or anything (unless someone comes up with a really cool one before 7:00 Central). I may just use whatever hashtag the show suggests (probably #BachelorPad) so any non-watchers in my Twitter feed can mute the tag if they want. If you're going to join in the fun, you don't have to @ reply to me in every tweet. Just send me one at some point during the show to let me know you're watching / tweeting and I'll check your stream when I'm making the story.
@ reply? Hashtag? Mute? What?! Not on Twitter, I take it? No problem. There will be a post on my blog's Facebook page (like the page here) that you can use to comment as well. And if you're not on Facebook or Twitter, well, I just don't know.
Okay, onto the finale...
I know I say this every time and never follow through, but I really am going to try to do this quickly. The finale is always about 30 minutes of interesting stuff and an hour and a half of filler nonsense. Who do we talk to about getting these shows back to an hour per episode? This two hour stuff wears me out. Anyway, this season was EVEN MORE filler and even less interesting stuff, so maybe. Also, this season features a live element. Chris Harrison greeted us live from After The Final Rose. The audience watched the episode and was heard laughing at various points during the episode (ANNOYING!) and Chris reappeared after a few commercial breaks to throw down more wisdom and insight... and interview the audience and a few past cast members.
Right away, Chris' live intro promises one of the most surprising and emotional finales ever. Plus, a live ATFR in which they have some shocking news to share. So, onto the most anticipated TV event of the summer.
WHAT?! The most anticipated TV event of the summer?! SCREW YOU, OLYMPICS!!!
Are you kidding me? I like this show. A lot of people like this show. But I promise you that it is not more anticipated than the Olympics. Ask around your office or your family. A handful of them watch The Bachelor. Nearly all of them will tune in for at least one or two Olympic events. Even if it's just because Ryan Lochte is a hottie.
Anyway, Chris shuts up and we cut to Curacao.
Emily says she has no idea what to do and also that she's not sure if she wants to let either of the guys meet Ricki. Ricki, by the way, is frolicking around Emily's villa in Curacao. And she's wearing a fanny pack. I don't really know why but I'm sure she has a good reason.
Ricki vanishes and Emily's family appears. Her mom, Suzy. Dad, David. Brother, Ernie. Future sister-in-law, Bert. I mean Bethany. But how cool would it have been if it were Bert?
Jef is first to meet the family. He's pretty laid back about it but very honest about how much he loves Emily. He assures her mom that there is not a single ounce of him that would leave Emily, ever. Emily's brother also talks with him and says he's very close to Emily (must be why she's talked about him exactly none at all this season, right?) and very defensive towards her boyfriends. Luckily, Jef has a pompadour and skinny jeans. If that doesn't lower your defenses, nothing will. He quickly wins Ernie over by telling him he's smitten by Emily. (PS: Smitten in a fantastic word. Try to use it at least once today.)
This season holds true to all others with the 5 minute chat with Dad, after which he gives his blessing for his daughter and a guy she's been non-exclusively dating for 8 weeks to marry. Ugh. I hate that part. I mean, I don't have a problem asking for Dad's permission. But I can't imagine many dads would be very jazzed about their little girl coming on this show, so if she's already come on the show, she's pretty much asserting her independence. And also can't be very traditional. So is Dad's blessing really that necessary? It's not as if they have to negotiate a dowry. Again, ugh.
At any rate, the family big, fat loves Jef. Emily even tells us she hopes they will give Arie a fair chance.
Emily's dad tells us they loved Jef and Arie has his work cut out for him. In fact, he's not even sure why they have to go through the actions of meeting another guy.
When Arie arrives, they all make awkward small talk. Emily's dad and brother are apparently into fishing. Arie says "I know fish bite better when it's overcast." Oh, boy. Then he rambles on some more.
When the rambling comes to an end, he pulls out a gift for her family. Jef, incidentally, brought a beautiful bouquet of fresh flowers. Arie also brought flowers. Dried, wilty ones. More specifically, all the roses Emily has given him throughout this process. Yeah, I know.
Let's suppose for a second that this actually was his idea and not something a producer assured him would be cool. Perhaps he thought "Well, if this doesn't work out, I don't want these stupid roses anyway... but if it does work out, I bet her mom would love to make a shadow box with all these roses and a picture of Emily and I". Yes "Emily and I". Because Arie has yet to say "Emily and me" at the proper time all season, so I can't imagine he would start now.
Anyway, lame gift. Makes me wonder if Curacao has a gift shop called Whiskey Tango Foxtrot where he bought the carved box in which all the roses were placed. A rose casket, of sorts. Ick.
At any rate, Mom is told to act touched by this gesture, so she does. Everyone does their breakout sessions to speak with Arie. Brother Ernie says he feels like Arie is a little smooth and practiced and maybe just wants to win the contest, not Emily specifically. (Hush, Ernie! There is no place for logic on this show!) Arie assures him he really is in love with Emily. And, when it's Dad's turn, he also gives Arie his blessing.
Maybe a dowry wouldn't be the worst idea. "Oh, you both want to marry my daughter? Okay, let's talk goats and sheep. What can you offer me?"
After her family has met both guys, Emily asks for their opinion. Everyone is told to act like they like them both equally and cause Emily great frustration and confusion. Dad then tells her that he doesn't believe she's in love with two men. Loves them both, maybe, but not "in love". Emily disagrees. Then she tells the camera how frustrated and confused she is because her family isn't helping her decide.
When she tells her mom she isn't sure she wants either guy to meet Ricki yet, her mom says then maybe she should wait on an engagement. Uh-oh. Mom and Ernie have been talking and being logical again. Stop that!
@ reply? Hashtag? Mute? What?! Not on Twitter, I take it? No problem. There will be a post on my blog's Facebook page (like the page here) that you can use to comment as well. And if you're not on Facebook or Twitter, well, I just don't know.
Okay, onto the finale...
I know I say this every time and never follow through, but I really am going to try to do this quickly. The finale is always about 30 minutes of interesting stuff and an hour and a half of filler nonsense. Who do we talk to about getting these shows back to an hour per episode? This two hour stuff wears me out. Anyway, this season was EVEN MORE filler and even less interesting stuff, so maybe. Also, this season features a live element. Chris Harrison greeted us live from After The Final Rose. The audience watched the episode and was heard laughing at various points during the episode (ANNOYING!) and Chris reappeared after a few commercial breaks to throw down more wisdom and insight... and interview the audience and a few past cast members.
Right away, Chris' live intro promises one of the most surprising and emotional finales ever. Plus, a live ATFR in which they have some shocking news to share. So, onto the most anticipated TV event of the summer.
WHAT?! The most anticipated TV event of the summer?! SCREW YOU, OLYMPICS!!!
Are you kidding me? I like this show. A lot of people like this show. But I promise you that it is not more anticipated than the Olympics. Ask around your office or your family. A handful of them watch The Bachelor. Nearly all of them will tune in for at least one or two Olympic events. Even if it's just because Ryan Lochte is a hottie.
Anyway, Chris shuts up and we cut to Curacao.
Emily says she has no idea what to do and also that she's not sure if she wants to let either of the guys meet Ricki. Ricki, by the way, is frolicking around Emily's villa in Curacao. And she's wearing a fanny pack. I don't really know why but I'm sure she has a good reason.
Ricki vanishes and Emily's family appears. Her mom, Suzy. Dad, David. Brother, Ernie. Future sister-in-law, Bert. I mean Bethany. But how cool would it have been if it were Bert?
Jef is first to meet the family. He's pretty laid back about it but very honest about how much he loves Emily. He assures her mom that there is not a single ounce of him that would leave Emily, ever. Emily's brother also talks with him and says he's very close to Emily (must be why she's talked about him exactly none at all this season, right?) and very defensive towards her boyfriends. Luckily, Jef has a pompadour and skinny jeans. If that doesn't lower your defenses, nothing will. He quickly wins Ernie over by telling him he's smitten by Emily. (PS: Smitten in a fantastic word. Try to use it at least once today.)
This season holds true to all others with the 5 minute chat with Dad, after which he gives his blessing for his daughter and a guy she's been non-exclusively dating for 8 weeks to marry. Ugh. I hate that part. I mean, I don't have a problem asking for Dad's permission. But I can't imagine many dads would be very jazzed about their little girl coming on this show, so if she's already come on the show, she's pretty much asserting her independence. And also can't be very traditional. So is Dad's blessing really that necessary? It's not as if they have to negotiate a dowry. Again, ugh.
At any rate, the family big, fat loves Jef. Emily even tells us she hopes they will give Arie a fair chance.
Emily's dad tells us they loved Jef and Arie has his work cut out for him. In fact, he's not even sure why they have to go through the actions of meeting another guy.
When Arie arrives, they all make awkward small talk. Emily's dad and brother are apparently into fishing. Arie says "I know fish bite better when it's overcast." Oh, boy. Then he rambles on some more.
When the rambling comes to an end, he pulls out a gift for her family. Jef, incidentally, brought a beautiful bouquet of fresh flowers. Arie also brought flowers. Dried, wilty ones. More specifically, all the roses Emily has given him throughout this process. Yeah, I know.
Let's suppose for a second that this actually was his idea and not something a producer assured him would be cool. Perhaps he thought "Well, if this doesn't work out, I don't want these stupid roses anyway... but if it does work out, I bet her mom would love to make a shadow box with all these roses and a picture of Emily and I". Yes "Emily and I". Because Arie has yet to say "Emily and me" at the proper time all season, so I can't imagine he would start now.
Anyway, lame gift. Makes me wonder if Curacao has a gift shop called Whiskey Tango Foxtrot where he bought the carved box in which all the roses were placed. A rose casket, of sorts. Ick.
 |
| Emily's brother eats guys like Arie for breakfast |
Maybe a dowry wouldn't be the worst idea. "Oh, you both want to marry my daughter? Okay, let's talk goats and sheep. What can you offer me?"
After her family has met both guys, Emily asks for their opinion. Everyone is told to act like they like them both equally and cause Emily great frustration and confusion. Dad then tells her that he doesn't believe she's in love with two men. Loves them both, maybe, but not "in love". Emily disagrees. Then she tells the camera how frustrated and confused she is because her family isn't helping her decide.
When she tells her mom she isn't sure she wants either guy to meet Ricki yet, her mom says then maybe she should wait on an engagement. Uh-oh. Mom and Ernie have been talking and being logical again. Stop that!
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
The Bachelorette: Emily {Men Tell All}
Well, we've arrived at another Tell All episode, which means the finale is only a week away. Or, in this case, 6 days. Don't forget the finale and After the Final Rose air this coming Sunday, not Monday. Monday is the first episode of Bachelor Pad. (If you didn't see my plans for last week, I'm going to do my recaps differently. Make sure to check out the plans and get involved!)
Anyway, this week. Ugh. I hate the Men Tell All episode. They never actually tell anything. Mostly the same 4 or 5 guys dominate a conversation and the rest of the guys never speak or get maybe one sentence in. In my opinion, this could be lumped in with After the Final Rose. Just bring back the "main" guys that our going to get to talk and let them have their say on AFTR rose instead of the filler crap where we hear from Ryan and Trista again. But, no. That would be too easy. Instead, we need a whole episode with a bunch of scenes we've already seen 12 times and a few staged arguments.
This season was no exception. As a result, this recap may be kind of lame. Don't blame me. Blame ABC.
Of course, it begins with Chris reminding us that the season will end in a few days with "one of the most dramatic endings ever!" Ever? Really? Because, in all the seasons I've watched, the only endings that I even remember as being dramatic were Brad's first season where he chose no one and Jason's season where he chose Melissa, then dumped her and picked Molly. Otherwise, it's pretty run of the mill. Madly in love with two people, the family split down the middle as to who is best, lots of crying, blah blah, engaged to one of them, the other is heartbroken and unsure how they will go on, gooey AFTR, and a break up a few months later. I'm going to say this season will follow that model a lot more than a Jason or a Brad twist. But, okay. Most dramatic ever. Hyperbole, FTW!
After the most dramatic introduction ever, a pre-recorded clip of Chris and Emily airs. They talk about Ryan. She says that he interrupted Girl Talk in the park and that violated the Golden Rule. Um, I thought the Golden Rule was "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you", but I guess maybe I missed the "...and don't interrupt Girl Talk as you wouldn't want it interrupted unto you".
She then says she could have dealt with his comment about not gaining weight ("I'll love ya but I won't love on ya as much") but his comments about a trophy wife did her in. Really? Because if my husband called me a trophy wife, I would find that far less offensive than if he made comments about my weight. I guess that's just me.
They talk a little more about the guys. Nothing too exciting.
Next Chris shows Emily some of the best moments that America didn't get to see. Yes, a clip within a clip. It was all very Inception. Anyway, these moments are not to be confused with the bloopers that will air later. This was Emily spilling wine on her dress, then cussing, then feeling bad she cussed about spilling wine on her dress. Also, her and Travis tucking Shelly the Egg into bed and singing Twinkle, Twinkle to it. (?!?!) Arie's brothers spying on Emily and Arie while they made out. Emily trying to teach Contestant Chris how to dance. Blah blah blah.
After the Emily segment, it's time for an extended preview of Bachelor Pad. Oh, right! THAT'S why this episode is necessary. It serves as a chance to plug the upcoming piece of the franchise as much as possible. So, let me sum up this season's Bachelor Pad for you: crying, yelling, cussing, drinking, cussing, making out, crying, hooking up, dumb contests, crying. And, of course, it is being billed as the most shocking season ever.
Time for the some witty banter between the guys. Again, in summary form...
Contestant Chris realized he was immature at times, but was freaking out because he cared so much about Emily. The guys go back and forth about maturity. Somehow this turns to Ryan. It is decided that he talked down to the guys. Kalon interjects that this is because the guys were threatened by Ryan. This leads to what a d-bag Kalon is. He said if someone had come in on the first night like he did (on a helicopter), he would have been interested in their story. He also said he was frustrated in the situation and wasn't really himself.
While we're on the subject of Kalon, it's his turn in the hot seat. Someone asks why he came on the show if he thought a child was baggage. He says he agreed to be on the show before he knew Emily was the Bachelorette. When he found out, he wanted to be optimistic and wasn't 100% sure a child was a deal breaker. Plus, he thought it would be worse to back out because she had a kid. Um, yeah, okay.
Chris then points out that he said a lot of douchey things unrelated to her having a child, like the "run along" comment during the Shakespeare date or the "I love to hear you talk but not until I'm finished" thing. He says his playfulness comes across wrong and that some things were out of context. The "run along" comment was because it was cold out and she was sick and he thought she should go inside and rest instead of watching them rehearse. Chris points out that it might have been better to say that than "run along". Kalon says he just didn't thrive in this environment. Joe (remember him? Guy who looked like the guy from The Voice) pipes up and says that's "(bleeping) ridiculous!" and everyone knows Kalon was here for the glitz and glamor.
Regarding the baggage comment, he says he's just someone who doesn't have a filter and doesn't sugar coat things. Hmm. I also don't have a filter and I don't sugar coat things. Kalon doesn't have a soul. There's a difference.
Finally, a plug for for Kalon being on Bachelor Pad.
Then it's Ryan's turn in the hot seat. Like Kalon, it mostly focuses on the absurd things he said. And also how cocky he is. He insists that he's confident, not arrogant. Arrogance is false confidence, but his confidence is in what God has made him. Or something. I was too busy wanting to punch him to really pay attention. Somehow he and Contestant Chris get into an argument. I don't remember why. His time ends with discussion of how he told a few guys he thought he and Arie would be the final two and that if she picked Arie, he would be ideal as the next Bachelor. Ryan admits he said something along those lines. Host Chris assures us that he is not the next Bachelor.
Before we finish with Ryan, did anyone else notice the shirt he was wearing in the montage they showed of him during the season? Was it a tank top? Was it a sports bra? Whatever it was, how did I miss it the first time?!
Next Host Chris and Contestant Chris chat. Chris says the same thing about 10 times... that he was really, really, really hurt because he was so happy with Emily. But now he has a renewed faith in love. Yeah, love. That's what we saw in the preview for Bachelor Pad where we saw him in bed with 3 different people. Oh, that's right, another plug for Bachelor Pad. Chris promises it will be unbelievable.
Finally, Sean. Before each guy, the clip with their main moments with Emily and then their emotional exit airs. After Sean's, we see some people in the audience wiping their eyes. Really? I admit that I've teared up over a few commercials and have openly wept more than once watching Deadliest Catch (Captain Phil's death? All things Jake Anderson? Come on... totally worthy of an ugly cry!) But The Bachelor? No. Never. Because, as sad as it was watching Sean get dumped, I feel certain he's had ladies lined up around the block to help him heal. I do not feel that bad for him.
Anyway, Sean talks about how this was his first real heartbreak and he still misses her but he sees the light at the end of the tunnel. From what I have heard, Sean in not the next Bachelor and that makes me a little bummed. But not enough to cry.
Finally, Emily is on stage. All I could focus on was that her teeth look even bigger and thicker than usual. It's like she has in one of those things they make the little girls on Toddlers and Tiaras wear when their front teeth fall out. Ugh.
Her comments were what I expected for the most part. She said she ugly cried when she watched last week's episode with Sean's exit. She said she doesn't handle awkward situations well so Doug's kiss during the break up was extra weird and she hates that all she said was "Um, uh, thanks for that". She did say that she wished she had given Doug the rose in London for having told her about Kalon.
Oh, Kalon. We're back to that. Emily says she was angry and was disappointed in herself for letting him slip through the cracks. He says he wants to apologize for the way things went down and that he's really trying to learn from it and grow in future relationships. He wishes her the best.
She says he should be a politician because that's the biggest load of (cow manure) she's ever heard. She then mentions that, just the other day, she saw a picture he posted of a baggage claim and a caption that he was surprised not to see Emily Maynard there.
He says he just doesn't take social media very seriously and it was a bad joke. She says "When everyone ripped you a new one, you said you were sorry you weren't sorry." He replies that he's flattered she follows him on Twitter.
After a little more chit chat, it's time for the bloopers. There was a lot of falling down, a lot of censor bar nudity (including Doug dropping trou for the camera and Chris going commando under his kilt), a scene from the Muppet date where Chris Harrison and Statler make jokes showing Statler asking if they would ever consider having a puppet on the show and Chris saying "Well, we had Jake Pavelka" (and, yes, me laughing), and finally Chris asking Emily what type of guys she likes and her saying "tattooed, kind of homeless looking..."
Which, on one hand, sounds ridiculous... but, on the other hand, if you'd have seen my husband yesterday when we got home from our trip to Illinois during which he did not touch a razor (and, incidentally, has some tattoos), you would understand why I can't fault her too much for this comment.
The episode ends with a long look at each of the final two guys and some of the emotional drama from the finale. Because, you know, it promises to be the most dramatic ending ever.
We'll see...
Anyway, this week. Ugh. I hate the Men Tell All episode. They never actually tell anything. Mostly the same 4 or 5 guys dominate a conversation and the rest of the guys never speak or get maybe one sentence in. In my opinion, this could be lumped in with After the Final Rose. Just bring back the "main" guys that our going to get to talk and let them have their say on AFTR rose instead of the filler crap where we hear from Ryan and Trista again. But, no. That would be too easy. Instead, we need a whole episode with a bunch of scenes we've already seen 12 times and a few staged arguments.
This season was no exception. As a result, this recap may be kind of lame. Don't blame me. Blame ABC.
Of course, it begins with Chris reminding us that the season will end in a few days with "one of the most dramatic endings ever!" Ever? Really? Because, in all the seasons I've watched, the only endings that I even remember as being dramatic were Brad's first season where he chose no one and Jason's season where he chose Melissa, then dumped her and picked Molly. Otherwise, it's pretty run of the mill. Madly in love with two people, the family split down the middle as to who is best, lots of crying, blah blah, engaged to one of them, the other is heartbroken and unsure how they will go on, gooey AFTR, and a break up a few months later. I'm going to say this season will follow that model a lot more than a Jason or a Brad twist. But, okay. Most dramatic ever. Hyperbole, FTW!
After the most dramatic introduction ever, a pre-recorded clip of Chris and Emily airs. They talk about Ryan. She says that he interrupted Girl Talk in the park and that violated the Golden Rule. Um, I thought the Golden Rule was "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you", but I guess maybe I missed the "...and don't interrupt Girl Talk as you wouldn't want it interrupted unto you".
She then says she could have dealt with his comment about not gaining weight ("I'll love ya but I won't love on ya as much") but his comments about a trophy wife did her in. Really? Because if my husband called me a trophy wife, I would find that far less offensive than if he made comments about my weight. I guess that's just me.
They talk a little more about the guys. Nothing too exciting.
Next Chris shows Emily some of the best moments that America didn't get to see. Yes, a clip within a clip. It was all very Inception. Anyway, these moments are not to be confused with the bloopers that will air later. This was Emily spilling wine on her dress, then cussing, then feeling bad she cussed about spilling wine on her dress. Also, her and Travis tucking Shelly the Egg into bed and singing Twinkle, Twinkle to it. (?!?!) Arie's brothers spying on Emily and Arie while they made out. Emily trying to teach Contestant Chris how to dance. Blah blah blah.
After the Emily segment, it's time for an extended preview of Bachelor Pad. Oh, right! THAT'S why this episode is necessary. It serves as a chance to plug the upcoming piece of the franchise as much as possible. So, let me sum up this season's Bachelor Pad for you: crying, yelling, cussing, drinking, cussing, making out, crying, hooking up, dumb contests, crying. And, of course, it is being billed as the most shocking season ever.
Time for the some witty banter between the guys. Again, in summary form...
Contestant Chris realized he was immature at times, but was freaking out because he cared so much about Emily. The guys go back and forth about maturity. Somehow this turns to Ryan. It is decided that he talked down to the guys. Kalon interjects that this is because the guys were threatened by Ryan. This leads to what a d-bag Kalon is. He said if someone had come in on the first night like he did (on a helicopter), he would have been interested in their story. He also said he was frustrated in the situation and wasn't really himself.
While we're on the subject of Kalon, it's his turn in the hot seat. Someone asks why he came on the show if he thought a child was baggage. He says he agreed to be on the show before he knew Emily was the Bachelorette. When he found out, he wanted to be optimistic and wasn't 100% sure a child was a deal breaker. Plus, he thought it would be worse to back out because she had a kid. Um, yeah, okay.
Chris then points out that he said a lot of douchey things unrelated to her having a child, like the "run along" comment during the Shakespeare date or the "I love to hear you talk but not until I'm finished" thing. He says his playfulness comes across wrong and that some things were out of context. The "run along" comment was because it was cold out and she was sick and he thought she should go inside and rest instead of watching them rehearse. Chris points out that it might have been better to say that than "run along". Kalon says he just didn't thrive in this environment. Joe (remember him? Guy who looked like the guy from The Voice) pipes up and says that's "(bleeping) ridiculous!" and everyone knows Kalon was here for the glitz and glamor.
Regarding the baggage comment, he says he's just someone who doesn't have a filter and doesn't sugar coat things. Hmm. I also don't have a filter and I don't sugar coat things. Kalon doesn't have a soul. There's a difference.
Finally, a plug for for Kalon being on Bachelor Pad.
Then it's Ryan's turn in the hot seat. Like Kalon, it mostly focuses on the absurd things he said. And also how cocky he is. He insists that he's confident, not arrogant. Arrogance is false confidence, but his confidence is in what God has made him. Or something. I was too busy wanting to punch him to really pay attention. Somehow he and Contestant Chris get into an argument. I don't remember why. His time ends with discussion of how he told a few guys he thought he and Arie would be the final two and that if she picked Arie, he would be ideal as the next Bachelor. Ryan admits he said something along those lines. Host Chris assures us that he is not the next Bachelor.
Before we finish with Ryan, did anyone else notice the shirt he was wearing in the montage they showed of him during the season? Was it a tank top? Was it a sports bra? Whatever it was, how did I miss it the first time?!
Next Host Chris and Contestant Chris chat. Chris says the same thing about 10 times... that he was really, really, really hurt because he was so happy with Emily. But now he has a renewed faith in love. Yeah, love. That's what we saw in the preview for Bachelor Pad where we saw him in bed with 3 different people. Oh, that's right, another plug for Bachelor Pad. Chris promises it will be unbelievable.
Finally, Sean. Before each guy, the clip with their main moments with Emily and then their emotional exit airs. After Sean's, we see some people in the audience wiping their eyes. Really? I admit that I've teared up over a few commercials and have openly wept more than once watching Deadliest Catch (Captain Phil's death? All things Jake Anderson? Come on... totally worthy of an ugly cry!) But The Bachelor? No. Never. Because, as sad as it was watching Sean get dumped, I feel certain he's had ladies lined up around the block to help him heal. I do not feel that bad for him.
Anyway, Sean talks about how this was his first real heartbreak and he still misses her but he sees the light at the end of the tunnel. From what I have heard, Sean in not the next Bachelor and that makes me a little bummed. But not enough to cry.
Finally, Emily is on stage. All I could focus on was that her teeth look even bigger and thicker than usual. It's like she has in one of those things they make the little girls on Toddlers and Tiaras wear when their front teeth fall out. Ugh.
Her comments were what I expected for the most part. She said she ugly cried when she watched last week's episode with Sean's exit. She said she doesn't handle awkward situations well so Doug's kiss during the break up was extra weird and she hates that all she said was "Um, uh, thanks for that". She did say that she wished she had given Doug the rose in London for having told her about Kalon.
Oh, Kalon. We're back to that. Emily says she was angry and was disappointed in herself for letting him slip through the cracks. He says he wants to apologize for the way things went down and that he's really trying to learn from it and grow in future relationships. He wishes her the best.
She says he should be a politician because that's the biggest load of (cow manure) she's ever heard. She then mentions that, just the other day, she saw a picture he posted of a baggage claim and a caption that he was surprised not to see Emily Maynard there.
He says he just doesn't take social media very seriously and it was a bad joke. She says "When everyone ripped you a new one, you said you were sorry you weren't sorry." He replies that he's flattered she follows him on Twitter.
After a little more chit chat, it's time for the bloopers. There was a lot of falling down, a lot of censor bar nudity (including Doug dropping trou for the camera and Chris going commando under his kilt), a scene from the Muppet date where Chris Harrison and Statler make jokes showing Statler asking if they would ever consider having a puppet on the show and Chris saying "Well, we had Jake Pavelka" (and, yes, me laughing), and finally Chris asking Emily what type of guys she likes and her saying "tattooed, kind of homeless looking..."
Which, on one hand, sounds ridiculous... but, on the other hand, if you'd have seen my husband yesterday when we got home from our trip to Illinois during which he did not touch a razor (and, incidentally, has some tattoos), you would understand why I can't fault her too much for this comment.
The episode ends with a long look at each of the final two guys and some of the emotional drama from the finale. Because, you know, it promises to be the most dramatic ending ever.
We'll see...
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
The Bachelorette: Emily {Week 9} Pink Shorts and Giant Watches (and some plans for Bachelor Pad)
Before we head to Curacao with Emily and the guys, I want to take a minute to talk about my plans for Bachelor Pad 3.
This season, the Bachelorette finale airs on Sunday the 26th. The following night begins Bachelor Pad. I got to thinking how hard it would be to do back-to-back full recaps. Plus, I've always found Bachelor Pad a little harder to recap than Bachelor/ette. It's much more of a game show than a dating show. Add that with the fact that I have some things coming up outside the blogsphere that will take up a good amount of my time and mental wherewithal, and I knew I needed to do something different if I want to recap Bachelor Pad. And I do want to recap Bachelor Pad. So, here's what I've come up with:
STORIFY
If you're not familiar, it's a pretty cool site that lets you pull in tweets, Facebook comments, links to websites, etc into one neatly curated post. Plus, it keeps the links to each item so you don't have to spend a lot of time making sure you give proper credit. It's pretty neat. Check it out if you haven't already.
One of my favorite parts of Monday nights are the tweets sent directly to me about The Bachelor/ette. Occasionally I'll come across a good one from Chris Harrison or someone else with ties to the show, but mostly it's my own Twitter friends who keep me laughing and share my outlook on the show. Yet, a whole post full of "And then Laura said... and Sara said... and I cracked up with so-and-so said" would get tedious. But, if you could form them into a nice little timeline that could serve as your recap, that could actually be pretty cool, right? Right. At least I hope so. Because that's what I'm going to do.
The best part is that YOU get to help me. I'll be tweeting my thought during the show and I hope you'll do the same. You can either tweet to me (@audcole) or comment on my Facebook page and I'll be able to share your thoughts, too. I can't promise it will make you famous, but I do think it will be fun to have an interactive recap. I'll give more specifics in the next couple of weeks, but pretty much the only rules will be to keep it clean (as in none of the traditional cuss words) and keep it funny. Or insightful. But probably funny. It's Bachelor Pad after all. How much insight can there really be?
Below is an example of how a recap might look. I haven't played around with the site too much, but I can add some captions and fill in if anything needs some context around it. Let me know what you think... and if you foresee yourself participating. (The tweets don't have to be "live" but I'll probably start pulling the story together around 10 or 10:30 Central each Monday night. Though if anything fabulous pops up after that, I should still be able to add it.)
Now, onto last night...
Emily and the final three guys are in Curacao. If you're like me, the extent of your knowledge about Curacao is that it's a Carribbean island. I scanned Wikipedia for some quick facts but, as it turns out, I'm not that interested in Curacao. Don't get me wrong, if someone wants to give me an all-expense paid trip there, I'll gladly except. But, it looks like most of the other Carribbean islands. Bright and sandy with water around it. The only thing that jumped out at me is that it's part of the Kingdom of the Netherlands. So, Dutch. I think this gives Arie an unfair advantage and I think they other two guys should have organized some sort of protest.
Emily gives the expected talk about how beautiful it is as she walks along the beach, kicking the water. And carrying a fan. You know, those folded paper fans. Like she's from Gone with the Wind. (Which I've never actually seen, but it seems like the time period where ladies would carry little fans with them. Or was that more like Victorian England? I really don't know.)
Next she gives a quick rundown of each of the guys. I think it was mostly the same things she said last week. Sean gives her butterflies in her heart, she loves that Jef marches to his own drum, and she loves to make out with Arie and feels like he would adore her forever. She also said his usefulness makes her feel useful. Well, actually, I think she said "youthfulness" but it sounded just like "usefulness". I think her lip got caught on her veneers. (Yes, I've noticed that she does a weird teeth / lip licking thing every 12 seconds. How could you not notice that?)
Her first date is with Sean. He walks up to see her wearing v-neck t-shirt and shorts. And by "v-neck", I mean "deeeeep v-neck, halfway down his chest" and by "shorts", I mean "pink shorts".
Naturally, this made me think of Friends. Ross' pink shirt. And Sean, just like Ross, those shorts are not a faded salmon color.
They board a helicopter - oh good, more helicopters - and fly around the island. The helmet talking was worse than usual. Ugh. They land at somewhere called Klein Curacao. Throughout this whole episode, they showed the name of every tiny spot where Emily went. Given the "special thanks to the Curacao tourist bureau", I'm guessing that a condition of allowing them to film there was that they mention the name of every tiny spot where Emily went. So, Klein. Which is a private island.
Emily uses the visit with Sean's family to circle back to her favorite topic: ex-girlfriends. She said that his sister told her that he usually treats his girlfriends more like his buddies than his girlfriends. Sean says that was only one girl. He said they were together for a while and he did love her but he wasn't in love with her so he didn't do the sweet things like hold her hand and all that "boyfriend" stuff. Emily asked if they discussed marriage. He said she did but he would always change the subject. Then Emily said "Your sister said you're selective because you know how girls are and you don't want them to get attached". Sean says "That was just with that one girl. I'm crazy about you."
So basically what we learn is that Sean led some girl on for a long time, must have come to feel kind of bad about it, is now more cautious in relationships, and his sister is a blabbermouth.
Sean notes that he saw some snorkeling gear in the bag. They grab masks and, um, what do you call that spout thing you breathe through? Well, that thing. They wade out into the water and start making out. Now, I've snorkeled in the Carribbean and, I've got to say, one of us was doing it wrong. You're supposed to breathe through the spout thingy, Sean, not suck air directly from Emily's lungs.
This season, the Bachelorette finale airs on Sunday the 26th. The following night begins Bachelor Pad. I got to thinking how hard it would be to do back-to-back full recaps. Plus, I've always found Bachelor Pad a little harder to recap than Bachelor/ette. It's much more of a game show than a dating show. Add that with the fact that I have some things coming up outside the blogsphere that will take up a good amount of my time and mental wherewithal, and I knew I needed to do something different if I want to recap Bachelor Pad. And I do want to recap Bachelor Pad. So, here's what I've come up with:
STORIFY
If you're not familiar, it's a pretty cool site that lets you pull in tweets, Facebook comments, links to websites, etc into one neatly curated post. Plus, it keeps the links to each item so you don't have to spend a lot of time making sure you give proper credit. It's pretty neat. Check it out if you haven't already.
One of my favorite parts of Monday nights are the tweets sent directly to me about The Bachelor/ette. Occasionally I'll come across a good one from Chris Harrison or someone else with ties to the show, but mostly it's my own Twitter friends who keep me laughing and share my outlook on the show. Yet, a whole post full of "And then Laura said... and Sara said... and I cracked up with so-and-so said" would get tedious. But, if you could form them into a nice little timeline that could serve as your recap, that could actually be pretty cool, right? Right. At least I hope so. Because that's what I'm going to do.
The best part is that YOU get to help me. I'll be tweeting my thought during the show and I hope you'll do the same. You can either tweet to me (@audcole) or comment on my Facebook page and I'll be able to share your thoughts, too. I can't promise it will make you famous, but I do think it will be fun to have an interactive recap. I'll give more specifics in the next couple of weeks, but pretty much the only rules will be to keep it clean (as in none of the traditional cuss words) and keep it funny. Or insightful. But probably funny. It's Bachelor Pad after all. How much insight can there really be?
Below is an example of how a recap might look. I haven't played around with the site too much, but I can add some captions and fill in if anything needs some context around it. Let me know what you think... and if you foresee yourself participating. (The tweets don't have to be "live" but I'll probably start pulling the story together around 10 or 10:30 Central each Monday night. Though if anything fabulous pops up after that, I should still be able to add it.)
Now, onto last night...
Emily and the final three guys are in Curacao. If you're like me, the extent of your knowledge about Curacao is that it's a Carribbean island. I scanned Wikipedia for some quick facts but, as it turns out, I'm not that interested in Curacao. Don't get me wrong, if someone wants to give me an all-expense paid trip there, I'll gladly except. But, it looks like most of the other Carribbean islands. Bright and sandy with water around it. The only thing that jumped out at me is that it's part of the Kingdom of the Netherlands. So, Dutch. I think this gives Arie an unfair advantage and I think they other two guys should have organized some sort of protest.
Emily gives the expected talk about how beautiful it is as she walks along the beach, kicking the water. And carrying a fan. You know, those folded paper fans. Like she's from Gone with the Wind. (Which I've never actually seen, but it seems like the time period where ladies would carry little fans with them. Or was that more like Victorian England? I really don't know.)
Next she gives a quick rundown of each of the guys. I think it was mostly the same things she said last week. Sean gives her butterflies in her heart, she loves that Jef marches to his own drum, and she loves to make out with Arie and feels like he would adore her forever. She also said his usefulness makes her feel useful. Well, actually, I think she said "youthfulness" but it sounded just like "usefulness". I think her lip got caught on her veneers. (Yes, I've noticed that she does a weird teeth / lip licking thing every 12 seconds. How could you not notice that?)
Her first date is with Sean. He walks up to see her wearing v-neck t-shirt and shorts. And by "v-neck", I mean "deeeeep v-neck, halfway down his chest" and by "shorts", I mean "pink shorts".
 |
| Yes, I checked. J Crew carries shorts like this. They call it Hillside Poppy. See? |
They board a helicopter - oh good, more helicopters - and fly around the island. The helmet talking was worse than usual. Ugh. They land at somewhere called Klein Curacao. Throughout this whole episode, they showed the name of every tiny spot where Emily went. Given the "special thanks to the Curacao tourist bureau", I'm guessing that a condition of allowing them to film there was that they mention the name of every tiny spot where Emily went. So, Klein. Which is a private island.
Emily uses the visit with Sean's family to circle back to her favorite topic: ex-girlfriends. She said that his sister told her that he usually treats his girlfriends more like his buddies than his girlfriends. Sean says that was only one girl. He said they were together for a while and he did love her but he wasn't in love with her so he didn't do the sweet things like hold her hand and all that "boyfriend" stuff. Emily asked if they discussed marriage. He said she did but he would always change the subject. Then Emily said "Your sister said you're selective because you know how girls are and you don't want them to get attached". Sean says "That was just with that one girl. I'm crazy about you."
So basically what we learn is that Sean led some girl on for a long time, must have come to feel kind of bad about it, is now more cautious in relationships, and his sister is a blabbermouth.
Sean notes that he saw some snorkeling gear in the bag. They grab masks and, um, what do you call that spout thing you breathe through? Well, that thing. They wade out into the water and start making out. Now, I've snorkeled in the Carribbean and, I've got to say, one of us was doing it wrong. You're supposed to breathe through the spout thingy, Sean, not suck air directly from Emily's lungs.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
The Bachelorette: Emily {Week 8} Skeet Shooting and Skinny Jeans
Week 8, Week 8! Hometown dates!! YAY!! Maybe another bird funeral?! Maybe another basement full of taxidermied horrors?! Oooh, wouldn't it be cool if there were a family of tight rope walkers... like the Flying Wallendas? Well, don't get your hopes up. Turns out this episode will be much like last week's... surprisingly dull considering that I like Emily. In fact, the most excitement we'll get comes from the various accents of the parents. Polish, Dutch, heavily Chicago, Southern... it was a linguistic adventure!
Our adventure begins with Emily returning to her house after a few weeks away. Ricki has made her a banner that says Welcome Home and hung it from the banister. Or, considering that Ricki is 6, I'm guessing she didn't draw the neat block letters and string them all together. But if there were any Barbie or Tinkerbell stickers covering the paper, she probably did that. That's how all the children I know between the ages of 2 and 6 decorate things. Including my arms. I've left church many times covered in stickers because a cousin or niece thought I needed a butterfly on my hand or an Ariel on my elbow.
Also, while we're on the topic of children, I should mention that my nephew has been visiting for a couple of days. Of course, he was tucked into his Pack 'N Play before we started the Bachelorette, but that means my husband, sister-in-law and brother-in-law were in the living room watching with me. And we're a hilarious bunch. I'm kind of sad you couldn't be there to hear our commentary. However, our commentary sometimes overpowered the volume of the show. Since I was already subjecting them to 2 hours of this show, I tried not to rewind 100 times to catch every piece of dialogue. So, if I missed something important someone said, that's why. Not because I was bored with the episode. Again.
Where were we? Right. Emily's at home. She snuggles Ricki, puts her to bed, then looks out her blinds. I'm not sure why. Then, suddenly, she's in Chicago.
Chicago is my favorite city in America. I might have mentioned that a time or 50 before Also, I'm now just 10 days out from Gino's East. Whoo hooo!
Chris is standing near the Water Tower while Emily sneaks up behind him. She grabs him and shouts "Boo!" In his normal, motionless, non-blinking way, Chris turns around and says "You scared me". Yeah, I sensed a lot of terror in that monotone voice.
Emily tells Chris she's so glad he's planning everything this week and she doesn't have to do anything but be along for the ride. You know, as opposed to all the other weeks where she's on the phone making hotel reservations in Prague or scheduling a fishing boat in Bermuda. Not to mention coordinating international flights for herself, Ricki, and the entire remaining cast and crew. Talk about exhausting! Or, you know, Emily does none of those things and is just along for the ride every other week, too. But whatever.
As for what Chris planned, buckle up. It's riveting. They are going to a Polish restaurant. A Cubs game, you say? Nope. Polish restaurant. Touring the famous Navy Pier and then hopping on the Tall Ship Windy for a lake cruise? No. Polish restaurant. Gino's? Negative. Polish restaurant.
You see, Chris is a first-generation American. His father is Polish. Apparently his parents used to take him to restaurants like this when he was growing up. Wait, he's Polish? Is his family from the South Side? If so, does that mean he's a White Sox fan? One of my best friend's, Rose, descends from a Polish family in Calumet City (just south of the city) and she doesn't appropriately dislike the White Sox. But I love her anyway. Also, her great-grandma's last name was Piwowarczyk. Pronounced pee-vo-var-check. Rose can spell it super fast. Whenever we were around new people, I would say "Rose, spell your grandma's last name!" and people would watch in amazement. By the way, Rose now has a German (or something) last name that I always spell wrong. It's also really long. When it displays on my phone, it says "Roseann Hec..." Of course, I'm now wondering why I even have her last name in my phone. I guess so as not to be confused with the plethora of other Roseanns in my contact list.
Anyway, back to Emily and Chris. While I've been rehashing Rose's lineage, they have been rehashing last week's events, including him wanting to talk to her at the rose ceremony. So, at least we were both talking about Roses, right? Except my conversation was way more interesting.
Chris then preps Emily to meet his family. He says his dad, John, has a heavy accent but will be easy to get along with. His mom (didn't catch her name) is emotional and loving and they have an unbelievable relationship. (Cue everyone in my living room yelling "MAMA'S BOY!!") And his two sisters, Renee and Teresa, who will be tougher.
They head out to Hanover Park (a suburb west of Chicago, not south. Whew. There's still hope he's a Cubs fan). After the requisite hugging of strangers, everyone sits down at the table. Well, three sides of the table. Isn't that how your family does it? Dad makes a toast.
Before long, everyone begins their breakout sessions. Dad and Emily talk. He doesn't want his son to be heartbroken. He does think he would be there to love and support Emily and Ricki. And if she and Chris decide to make it work, "God bless 'em".
Mom and Chris talk. He tells her that he was a hot mess before the last rose ceremony. Ugh. Can we maybe retire the phrase "hot mess"? Or at least set parameters around when it can be used. For example, never by straight dudes. Mom gives Chris a pep talk in her very, very, suburban Chicago accent. She concludes by telling him to "Kick aaaaaaaz".
Emily talks to a sister while Chris talks to Dad. Dad tells Chris that Emily says she was falling in love with him. Did she? I must have missed it. Maybe because we were all repeating "Kick aaaaaaaz!!" over and over again. My accent was never as bad as his mom's, but I know it was pretty bad. It's weird to think I sounded at all like that. Now it kind of hurts my ears. And also makes me a little nostalgic. But mostly hurts my ears. And makes me laugh. My mom... and Chris'... kind of sound like pirates. It's fun. Or, you might say it kicks aaaaaaaaaaz. But don't say bolth. I mean "both". I just learned last year that I say "both" with an L, as do all Northern Illinois folks, apparently.
Chris walks Emily out. He tells her he's never said this before, but he's in love with her. He's never said that before? He's 25. I realize that doesn't automatically mean he's been in love before, but didn't almost everyone say that to their high school boy or girlfriend? Or maybe he didn't have a high school girlfriend. I don't remember. I'm sure Emily grilled him about it, but I've forgotten. My point is that I doubt this is the first time he's ever told a girl he loved her.
After what I thought was their goodbye, Chris takes her back in the house. This time to the screened in back porch. For a surprise. Any guesses?
If you said "Costumed polka band", you win. Or lose. But yeah, a costumed polka band starts playing and the crowd that somehow managed to secretly assemble while Chris was outside professing his love to Emily all begin dancing. And hopefully everyone in America began groaning.
I mean, seriously. This the whitest show on TV, yet, season after season, they manage to exploit the ancestry of the contestants. Remember the Greek dancing and shouting OPA! for DeAnna? Twice. The "let's eat poutine because I grew up near Canada" for Ashley? And, reaching way back into the vault, I'm pretty sure they did something Amish-y with Andy because he had ties to Lancaster County, PA. So why not have a Polish festival on the Bukowski back porch. (Just to be clear: Chris Bukowski, suburban polka dancer. Kick Buttowski, suburban daredevil. Not one and the same.)
The date ends somewhere in the middle of the polka party. I assume Emily fell asleep. Or maybe that was just me.
Our adventure begins with Emily returning to her house after a few weeks away. Ricki has made her a banner that says Welcome Home and hung it from the banister. Or, considering that Ricki is 6, I'm guessing she didn't draw the neat block letters and string them all together. But if there were any Barbie or Tinkerbell stickers covering the paper, she probably did that. That's how all the children I know between the ages of 2 and 6 decorate things. Including my arms. I've left church many times covered in stickers because a cousin or niece thought I needed a butterfly on my hand or an Ariel on my elbow.
Also, while we're on the topic of children, I should mention that my nephew has been visiting for a couple of days. Of course, he was tucked into his Pack 'N Play before we started the Bachelorette, but that means my husband, sister-in-law and brother-in-law were in the living room watching with me. And we're a hilarious bunch. I'm kind of sad you couldn't be there to hear our commentary. However, our commentary sometimes overpowered the volume of the show. Since I was already subjecting them to 2 hours of this show, I tried not to rewind 100 times to catch every piece of dialogue. So, if I missed something important someone said, that's why. Not because I was bored with the episode. Again.
Where were we? Right. Emily's at home. She snuggles Ricki, puts her to bed, then looks out her blinds. I'm not sure why. Then, suddenly, she's in Chicago.
Chicago is my favorite city in America. I might have mentioned that a time or 50 before Also, I'm now just 10 days out from Gino's East. Whoo hooo!
Chris is standing near the Water Tower while Emily sneaks up behind him. She grabs him and shouts "Boo!" In his normal, motionless, non-blinking way, Chris turns around and says "You scared me". Yeah, I sensed a lot of terror in that monotone voice.
Emily tells Chris she's so glad he's planning everything this week and she doesn't have to do anything but be along for the ride. You know, as opposed to all the other weeks where she's on the phone making hotel reservations in Prague or scheduling a fishing boat in Bermuda. Not to mention coordinating international flights for herself, Ricki, and the entire remaining cast and crew. Talk about exhausting! Or, you know, Emily does none of those things and is just along for the ride every other week, too. But whatever.
As for what Chris planned, buckle up. It's riveting. They are going to a Polish restaurant. A Cubs game, you say? Nope. Polish restaurant. Touring the famous Navy Pier and then hopping on the Tall Ship Windy for a lake cruise? No. Polish restaurant. Gino's? Negative. Polish restaurant.
You see, Chris is a first-generation American. His father is Polish. Apparently his parents used to take him to restaurants like this when he was growing up. Wait, he's Polish? Is his family from the South Side? If so, does that mean he's a White Sox fan? One of my best friend's, Rose, descends from a Polish family in Calumet City (just south of the city) and she doesn't appropriately dislike the White Sox. But I love her anyway. Also, her great-grandma's last name was Piwowarczyk. Pronounced pee-vo-var-check. Rose can spell it super fast. Whenever we were around new people, I would say "Rose, spell your grandma's last name!" and people would watch in amazement. By the way, Rose now has a German (or something) last name that I always spell wrong. It's also really long. When it displays on my phone, it says "Roseann Hec..." Of course, I'm now wondering why I even have her last name in my phone. I guess so as not to be confused with the plethora of other Roseanns in my contact list.
Anyway, back to Emily and Chris. While I've been rehashing Rose's lineage, they have been rehashing last week's events, including him wanting to talk to her at the rose ceremony. So, at least we were both talking about Roses, right? Except my conversation was way more interesting.
Chris then preps Emily to meet his family. He says his dad, John, has a heavy accent but will be easy to get along with. His mom (didn't catch her name) is emotional and loving and they have an unbelievable relationship. (Cue everyone in my living room yelling "MAMA'S BOY!!") And his two sisters, Renee and Teresa, who will be tougher.
They head out to Hanover Park (a suburb west of Chicago, not south. Whew. There's still hope he's a Cubs fan). After the requisite hugging of strangers, everyone sits down at the table. Well, three sides of the table. Isn't that how your family does it? Dad makes a toast.
Before long, everyone begins their breakout sessions. Dad and Emily talk. He doesn't want his son to be heartbroken. He does think he would be there to love and support Emily and Ricki. And if she and Chris decide to make it work, "God bless 'em".
Mom and Chris talk. He tells her that he was a hot mess before the last rose ceremony. Ugh. Can we maybe retire the phrase "hot mess"? Or at least set parameters around when it can be used. For example, never by straight dudes. Mom gives Chris a pep talk in her very, very, suburban Chicago accent. She concludes by telling him to "Kick aaaaaaaz".
Emily talks to a sister while Chris talks to Dad. Dad tells Chris that Emily says she was falling in love with him. Did she? I must have missed it. Maybe because we were all repeating "Kick aaaaaaaz!!" over and over again. My accent was never as bad as his mom's, but I know it was pretty bad. It's weird to think I sounded at all like that. Now it kind of hurts my ears. And also makes me a little nostalgic. But mostly hurts my ears. And makes me laugh. My mom... and Chris'... kind of sound like pirates. It's fun. Or, you might say it kicks aaaaaaaaaaz. But don't say bolth. I mean "both". I just learned last year that I say "both" with an L, as do all Northern Illinois folks, apparently.
Chris walks Emily out. He tells her he's never said this before, but he's in love with her. He's never said that before? He's 25. I realize that doesn't automatically mean he's been in love before, but didn't almost everyone say that to their high school boy or girlfriend? Or maybe he didn't have a high school girlfriend. I don't remember. I'm sure Emily grilled him about it, but I've forgotten. My point is that I doubt this is the first time he's ever told a girl he loved her.
After what I thought was their goodbye, Chris takes her back in the house. This time to the screened in back porch. For a surprise. Any guesses?
If you said "Costumed polka band", you win. Or lose. But yeah, a costumed polka band starts playing and the crowd that somehow managed to secretly assemble while Chris was outside professing his love to Emily all begin dancing. And hopefully everyone in America began groaning.
I mean, seriously. This the whitest show on TV, yet, season after season, they manage to exploit the ancestry of the contestants. Remember the Greek dancing and shouting OPA! for DeAnna? Twice. The "let's eat poutine because I grew up near Canada" for Ashley? And, reaching way back into the vault, I'm pretty sure they did something Amish-y with Andy because he had ties to Lancaster County, PA. So why not have a Polish festival on the Bukowski back porch. (Just to be clear: Chris Bukowski, suburban polka dancer. Kick Buttowski, suburban daredevil. Not one and the same.)
The date ends somewhere in the middle of the polka party. I assume Emily fell asleep. Or maybe that was just me.
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