Well, we've officially reached the point we reach every season where I feel like this has been going on for 12 years. And then add in the incessant Bentley chatter? Ugh. Just ugh. I mean, seriously, I attempted to count how many times his name was said last night. I have 25 little tick marks on paper, but then I realized towards the end that I'd stopped counting. It had become complete white noise. I'm all for drama and bad guys and the stuff that makes reality TV entertaining, but this is just too much.
After some perfunctory "Hong Kong is beautiful" and "Here's your hotel" stuff, Chris Harrison knocks on Ashley's hotel room door. She, of course, is freaked out by this and wants to know what is going on.
Chris tells her she has 8 outstanding guys here (I pause to count... I come up with, like, 3 decent guys and 5 lame ones, but whatever) and he's afraid she's going to continue to "what if" about Bentley and miss out on these guys.
Side note: Why do men do this? Tell me a scenario like this hasn't played out in your house...
Woman: Hey honey, I think we should (insert idea here... we'll use "Move to Guam")
Man: *eats chips*
Woman, a week later: Sweetie, have you thought any more about moving to Guam?
Man: Huh? What? No, I don't need any gum.
Man, a month and a half later: Baby, I was talking to the guys at work today. They are all moving to Guam. It sounds freaking awesome. Why have we not thought about moving to Guam?!
My point? Last week, Ashley told Chris she wanted to talk to Bentley and sort this mess out so she could get some closure and move on. This week, Chris is all "I've been thinking... you should talk to Bentley and get some closure. So you can move on." Wow, Chris, what an original idea!!
Chris then says "Bentley is here. In this hotel."
Ashley does her best impersonation of a Southern grandma - clutches her pearls and gasps. Okay, she wasn't wearing pearls, but she really did put her hand on her chest like she was all faint. Ashley asks 45 times if this is a joke. Apparently she thought she would just talk to him on the phone, so she's caught very off-guard by the fact that he's there in person. Chris tells her to be strong and push him for answers. Don't settle for a dot, dot, dot. He writes down Bentley's room number and then says "When you're ready..."
Hold the phone! If he says "When you're ready..." now, will he say it again at the Rose Ceremony? I mean, it's kind of his big moment at the Rose Ceremony and now he's wasted it.
Ashley takes some time to regroup and then heads to Bentley's room. First, she says some crap about being excited. What if there's still a possibility? If Bentley says he's staying... UGH!! Did you throw something at the TV? No? Just me? She pauses dramatically at the door, then - like an hour later - knocks.
"Who is it?" Yes, that's what Bentley said when she knocked on the door. At first, I thought this was a ridiculous question. I mean, you're in Hong Kong. Do you know a lot of people who would be dropping by your hotel room? But after I thought about it for a while, it probably was good he asked. I strongly suspect that Bentley had also "ordered" a "lady"... if you catch my drift. (If not, I'm subtly suggesting he could have had a prostitute sent to his room.)
He immediately kisses her (furthering my "thought it was the hooker he sent for" theory) and they make SUPER annoying small talk. Ashley asks what he's been doing. He says "Working. That's about all." Really, dude? At least stick with the original BS and say "Spending as much time as possible with my daughter." Not to say Bentley isn't a good actor, just he could have improved on that answer.
Ashley says "After you left, I had a really hard time." Bentley says "Was it fun?" WAS IT FUN?! I really hope that was part of a different conversation, pieced together in the clever way this show sometimes does... because if he honestly said "Was it fun" and she didn't punch him, someone should punch her. When she replies that no, it was not fun, Bentley says he appreciates that because it shows they are on the same page with their feelings. Have I said UGH yet?
Ashley says she can't do to the dot, dot, dot anymore. He says he can't believe he went home when this was clearly real (UGH!!) and then says some confusing crap about not being in the same place (but they are on the same page? I don't know. Whatever.) and that he implores her to see what she can have here. Implores? UGH. Then Ashley says, and I quote,
"Is this our period?"
Write your own jokes. I'm not touching that one. Because now it seems like the wrong time of the
month episode to make a comment about Bentley being a douche. This is really putting a cramp in my style.
Ashley then decides to take Chris Harrison's advice
to drink unicorn blood to stave off the aging process push Bentley for answers. She says "Be a man and admit it's over. You broke me. If what Michelle says about you is true, that's what you wanted all along. Well, Mission A-bleeping-ccomplished!" Bentley then agrees to call it a period. Ashley asks why he came all this way when he could have called. Finally, in a rare moment of clarity, she says "Did you just want a free vacay?" Um, yes, that's exactly why he came!
Another side note: Vacay - short for vacation. Vaca - Spansish for cow. Seriously, when you say you're looking forward to your vaca, I worry that you have an unnatural attraction to bovines. If you want to be trendy and abbreviate vacation, it's VACAY. Say it with me: V-A-C-A-Y
Ashley leaves and then tells the camera that she can finally see through Bentley. He's a bad boy player who intentionally disrespected her. And he can eff off. Gee, if only someone had warned you about that...