The Bachelorette, Week 6: If I hear Bentley ONE MORE TIME...

Well, we've officially reached the point we reach every season where I feel like this has been going on for 12 years. And then add in the incessant Bentley chatter? Ugh. Just ugh. I mean, seriously, I attempted to count how many times his name was said last night. I have 25 little tick marks on paper, but then I realized towards the end that I'd stopped counting. It had become complete white noise. I'm all for drama and bad guys and the stuff that makes reality TV entertaining, but this is just too much.

After some perfunctory "Hong Kong is beautiful" and "Here's your hotel" stuff, Chris Harrison knocks on Ashley's hotel room door. She, of course, is freaked out by this and wants to know what is going on.

Chris tells her she has 8 outstanding guys here (I pause to count... I come up with, like, 3 decent guys and 5 lame ones, but whatever) and he's afraid she's going to continue to "what if" about Bentley and miss out on these guys.

Side note: Why do men do this? Tell me a scenario like this hasn't played out in your house...

Woman: Hey honey, I think we should (insert idea here... we'll use "Move to Guam")

Man: *eats chips*

Woman, a week later: Sweetie, have you thought any more about moving to Guam?

Man: Huh? What? No, I don't need any gum.

Man, a month and a half later: Baby, I was talking to the guys at work today. They are all moving to Guam. It sounds freaking awesome. Why have we not thought about moving to Guam?!

My point? Last week, Ashley told Chris she wanted to talk to Bentley and sort this mess out so she could get some closure and move on. This week, Chris is all "I've been thinking... you should talk to Bentley and get some closure. So you can move on." Wow, Chris, what an original idea!!

Chris then says "Bentley is here. In this hotel."

Ashley does her best impersonation of a Southern grandma - clutches her pearls and gasps. Okay, she wasn't wearing pearls, but she really did put her hand on her chest like she was all faint.  Ashley asks 45 times if this is a joke. Apparently she thought she would just talk to him on the phone, so she's caught very off-guard by the fact that he's there in person. Chris tells her to be strong and push him for answers. Don't settle for a dot, dot, dot. He writes down Bentley's room number and then says "When you're ready..."

Hold the phone! If he says "When you're ready..." now, will he say it again at the Rose Ceremony? I mean, it's kind of his big moment at the Rose Ceremony and now he's wasted it.

Ashley takes some time to regroup and then heads to Bentley's room. First, she says some crap about being excited. What if there's still a possibility? If Bentley says he's staying...  UGH!! Did you throw something at the TV? No? Just me?  She pauses dramatically at the door, then - like an hour later - knocks.

"Who is it?"  Yes, that's what Bentley said when she knocked on the door. At first, I thought this was a ridiculous question. I mean, you're in Hong Kong. Do you know a lot of people who would be dropping by your hotel room? But after I thought about it for a while, it probably was good he asked. I strongly suspect that Bentley had also "ordered" a "lady"... if you catch my drift. (If not, I'm subtly suggesting he could have had a prostitute sent to his room.)

He immediately kisses her (furthering my "thought it was the hooker he sent for" theory) and they make SUPER annoying small talk. Ashley asks what he's been doing. He says "Working. That's about all."  Really, dude? At least stick with the original BS and say "Spending as much time as possible with my daughter."  Not to say Bentley isn't a good actor, just he could have improved on that answer.

Ashley says "After you left, I had a really hard time."  Bentley says "Was it fun?"  WAS IT FUN?! I really hope that was part of a different conversation, pieced together in the clever way this show sometimes does... because if he honestly said "Was it fun" and she didn't punch him, someone should punch her. When she replies that no, it was not fun, Bentley says he appreciates that because it shows they are on the same page with their feelings. Have I said UGH yet?

Ashley says she can't do to the dot, dot, dot anymore. He says he can't believe he went home when this was clearly real (UGH!!) and then says some confusing crap about not being in the same place (but they are on the same page? I don't know. Whatever.) and that he implores her to see what she can have here. Implores? UGH. Then Ashley says, and I quote,

"Is this our period?"

Write your own jokes. I'm not touching that one. Because now it seems like the wrong time of the month episode to make a comment about Bentley being a douche. This is really putting a cramp in my style.

Ashley then decides to take Chris Harrison's advice to drink unicorn blood to stave off the aging process push Bentley for answers. She says "Be a man and admit it's over. You broke me. If what Michelle says about you is true, that's what you wanted all along. Well, Mission A-bleeping-ccomplished!"  Bentley then agrees to call it a period. Ashley asks why he came all this way when he could have called. Finally, in a rare moment of clarity, she says "Did you just want a free vacay?"  Um, yes, that's exactly why he came!

Another side note: Vacay - short for vacation. Vaca - Spansish for cow. Seriously, when you say you're looking forward to your vaca, I worry that you have an unnatural attraction to bovines. If you want to be trendy and abbreviate vacation, it's VACAY. Say it with me: V-A-C-A-Y

Ashley leaves and then tells the camera that she can finally see through Bentley. He's a bad boy player who intentionally disrespected her. And he can eff off. Gee, if only someone had warned you about that...

The Requisite Birthday Post

You know those people who are obsessed with their own birthdays? The kind of people who use their Facebook status to say things like "It's one month until my birthday. Shop accordingly." Those kind of people are...

AWESOME!!!

I love birthdays. Yes, I especially love my own birthday, but I love all birthdays. Well, maybe not all birthdays, but supposing you're not a global terrorist or a White Sox fan  then I will gladly make a big deal over your birthday, too. I mean, it's the one holiday that is pretty much just for you. (Unless you have a twin or something. Which I don't.) Easter and Christmas and stuff are just so hectic. You have to coordinate which family members will be where when. You have to buy lots of stuff. It's just not so fun. But birthdays? The primary responsibility is to eat cake. Oh, and presents, but -as much as I like presents- cake is pure fabulousness.

Anyway, all that to say that my birthday was yesterday. Which you probably already know, since I'm one of those people that uses Facebook, Twitter, my blog, and any personal encounters to alert you well in advance.

Saturday night, my sister had a cook out for our family at her house. (Well, we cooked out but ate in. Because it's Arkansas and it's 9,000 degrees.)  It was a good evening!

I made my own cake, because I'm OCD like that. Every year, my family is like "Um, we'll buy you a cake. Just tell us what you want on it." and I'm all "NO! I want to make it!!!" This year, I went with an Angry Birds theme. I mean, I'm almost as obsessed with that game as I am with birthdays. There has to be some sort of radioactive crack that leaks out through the screen while playing. Otherwise, why would I spend so much time flinging cartoon birds at cartoon pigs? And not be able to go to sleep because I didn't get three stars on a level... and, where was I? Oh yeah, my cake...

The birds were actually cake pops - my first attempt. Plus, they were nice for little hands to be able to grab instead of taking a piece of cake, refusing to hold the plate with both hands, dropping it icing first into the carpet, stepping on it, getting another piece, eating just the icing, then complaining about a stomach ache.  

Anyway, the cousins seemed to approve...

BB decided on "Pig with Black Eye" and a bluebird...

SW went for the standard 8 year old boy pose...
and the "Chicken who drops egg bombs. Because he's awesome!"

Peanut lost interest quickly, but Best Friend Dena helped out

And, in a truly proud Aunt moment, my niece waited until everyone had cleared out, then hoisted herself up to the table and stole another bird!! A cake lover after my own heart!

Oh, and while I'm in Aunt mode... how cute is she in her play tunnel thing? But I digress...

In conclusion (because this is an 8th grade book report and I must begin my final paragraph with "in conclusion"), I had a great day! It's hard to believe I'm 32. I've been a licensed driver half my life! I complain about noise more than I used to. I post a gratuitous amount of "cute kid" pictures. I'm pretty okay with 32. Mostly because I have no intention of growing up. Ever. Because, if I did, this picture would seem silly...

Now, onto the rest of the celebration. That's right... as a birthday obsessed fool, I believe in celebrating the whole week. And since my birthday fell on a Sunday, that meant I had to celebrate all of last week to lead up to the big day... but then all of this week, since my birthday actually began a new week. Right? Right.

Thanks to everyone for all the well-wishes! Let's do it again in December for my half-birthday.

Wordless Wednesday: Windy

Photo by my sister-in-law from the Tall Ship Windy on Lake Michigan

I spent this past weekend with my sister-in-law and brother-in-law in Chicago. We took a few different boat tours. The tall ship was my favorite. I love boats and ships of all kinds. And I love lighthouses. In fact, it's possible I was a pirate in a past life. Which would explain a lot, actually.

The Bachelorette, Week 5: Will the Bentley-ness ever end? Apparently not.

Okay, let's get this Bentley stuff out of the way upfront. No, Bentley did not come back this week. Yes, the previews last week 100% made it look like he did. But he didn't. Based on my Twitter stream last night, this made some of you violently angry. Me? Not so much. Because, well, I've been watching the show for a while now and this isn't the first -or tenth- time something in the previews has been presented one way and then played out another. Annoying and misleading? Yes. But are you still going to watch next week? You betcha. It's reality TV. If you can't look past the smoke and mirrors, then it's not for you. Anyway, Bentley comes back next week. But we'll get to that eventually. For now, let's head to Chiang Mai, Thailand.

After the requisite cheesy FlipCam videos, the guys arrive in Chiang Mai and give us their rehearsed history lessons. Ames, for example, tells us that Chiang Mai is famous for romance and monks. Well, there's two things you don't usually hear in the same sentence.

Chris Harrison welcomes everyone to the "most beautiful city" and shows them their resort, which is one of the top resorts anywhere in the world, apparently. Or so he says... with a sweeping arm gesture, as if to "reveal" the resort. Seriously, real spokesmodel stuff. I guess Chris wants to be one of Barker's Beauties. Wait, what are they called now that Drew Carey hosts The Price is Right?

Ashley walks around and talks about Thailand... wearing a belted shirt dress. Which is actually one of the more normal things they've put her in this season. Except, come on, you totally thought she got it at Gap Kids, didn't you? No? Just me? But seriously, how tiny is she?!?! Anyway, as she is wandering about, Chris is telling the guys the plan for the week.

A one-on-one, a group date, and the dreaded two-on-one date where only one guy will get a rose and the other will be sent home immediately. Cue death dirge. Or whatever creepy music they played every time Jeff the Masked Wonder was around.

First up, the one-on-one... with Ben F. I'm sure the other guys had some stuff to say about this, but mostly I was hung up on Ames saying how they are halfway through this "PRO-cess". I'm guessing one of the 70 countries he's visited is Canada. And that he stayed there a long time. Oh, Ames...

Where were we? Canada? No, Ben F. who Ashley continues to call Ben F. every time she mentions him to the camera. "I'm hoping to get to know Ben F. better today on our date." Right. Because we can't use context clues to figure out that Ben C. isn't on the one-on-one date and we need her to distinguish between the two. Using a last initial just sounds so grade school to me. Well, not me personally because it's not like there was a plethora of Audreyas in my school. But there were a lot of Jennifers and Katies and Scotts and Jasons. So they all had to be Jennifer G. and Katie B. and stuff. I guess Ben F. can relate.

My favorite statement though was "I knew Ben F. was good looking, but the more I get to know him, the hotter he becomes." Funny how that works, huh?  This is in contrast to my least favorite statement, when Ben said "Ashley and I's relationship." You know how I feel about "I's"... HEAD. EXPLOSION.

Anyway, another lame date. They wander around a marketplace. They paint umbrellas (the papery, traditional kind... like a giant version of what Ashley has seen many times in a drink.) They go to an ancient temple. And they scream "OMG!!" about how beautiful it is. Although, since they were in front of a statue of Buddha at the time, I guess it would be "OMg". They sit outside of the temple and talk about kissing, which they are not allowed to do. Because it's a sacred place. Am I the only one who thinks maybe you shouldn't make out in public anyway, not just because Buddha is glaring down your neck? I mean, a little kiss here and there... fine. But tonsil hockey should be avoided in all public places, not just shrines in Thailand. Still, props to the Thai people for having some decency! Sorry about the American reality show mucking up your temple.

Okay, I've spent way too much time on this snoozefest of a date. So, let's fast forward. Dinner... Ashley's wearing a capri pant romper... ugh... Ben's a winemaker... Ben's dad died... Ben was super sad... Now he's good... He wants to spoil a girl... And travel... And have wine parties... At the mention of a wine party, Ashley practically sprints to the rose...Thai dancers and firebreathers come out.... now that they have company, Ash and Ben make out. The end.

The Bachelorette, Week 4: Bentley who?

Welcome to Week 4... or "Ashley whines about Bentley so much I'm pretty sure my ears started bleeding" week. And why just whine in America when you can whine in an exotic, foreign country.

That's right, kids, we're off to Phuket, Thailand.

When Chris tells the guys, they begin cheering wildly. "Thailand... whooo hooo!!!" Except, really? I'm pretty sure half of these guys had either never heard of Thailand or - like Alan from The Hangover - thought it was pronounced "Thigh-land".

Speaking of Thigh-land... was Ashley extra scantily clad this week or was it just me? After the cheesy FlipCam videos of the guys traveling through the airport, we see Ashley already in Thailand. In a white bikini top that I'm pretty sure was actually a bra. You know, one of those kind of thick, really smooth bras meant to be worn under t-shirts. Before long, Ashley throws a tank top over her bra-kini, ties the tank at her belly button, dons a pair of hot pants and some big, clunky shoes and - looking like she just finished her shift at Hooter's - heads to the hotel's concierge to ask for advice on where to take the guys while in Thailand. How much do you bet that poor lady wanted to say "Back to the airport so you can immediately leave our country."?

Ashley stops whining about Bentley long enough to take Constantine on a one-on-one. The original plan was to sea Thailand together... as in sea kayaking. Which is why Constantine shows up in bright orange board shorts and Adidas sandals. However, before they can begin their adventure, it starts raining. And the man I assume was in charge of the kayaks tells them -in Thai- that they can't go out on the ocean because it's too rough. Or, that's what he appeared to be saying based on his wild hand gestures. After Ash and Con figure out what he's telling them, then he tells them in English that the waves are too high.

Oh no! What to do now? Right, right... bother the locals. They walk around a market and Constantine goes on and on about how they are as far away from home as they could possibly be. Really? Did he actually get a globe and calculate this? Because I didn't detect any hyperbole in his voice. Anyway, they decide to talk to a random man sitting outside a shop. But, since the man doesn't speak English, they pull a random girl off the street to translate. The man tells them he's been married 37 years and his best advice is to forgive and forget and to not try to win. Next up, they sit in a cafe and drink beer in corny koozies while they reflect on how wise the old man was. And, since Ashley hasn't mentioned (to the camera) that she misses Bentley in about 3 minutes, she goes ahead and does that.

Finally, dinner in some little tiki hut on the beach. Constantine really gets the conversation going. Do you remember the guy on Saturday Night Live who visited the Weekend Update segment and commented on recent news events... except he never, ever finished a sentence? He just gaves half-thoughts and then jumped to another thought. Um, Nicholas Fehn. Yeah, that's his name. Constantine relays information just like Nicholas Fehn. And he looks like Josh Groban. He's Nick Groban. Wait a minute... I once went on a date with a guy named Nick Groban. Or was it Grobe? Anyway, basically the same name. Wow. Blast from the past. Where was I? Oh yeah, Constantine's train of thought jumps the tracks a lot. It's annoying. As you know because it's totally what I just did in this paragraph. Here, see what I mean:

Anywho... he gets a rose. But they don't kiss. And Ashley is still thinking about Bentley.

It's 2011. Where's my tea robot?!

2011 is not living up to my expectations. Not at all. Oh, I'm not talking about my personal life or anything like that. I'm talking more like "Why don't I have a flying car?" type stuff.

Well, maybe not a flying car but other stuff I think we should have figured out more than a decade into this new millennium. I catch myself saying "It's 2011... why can't  ______" a lot. So, because I haven't subjected you to one of my lists in at least a week, here you go...

It's 2011...

• Why can't I have a tea robot?

This started as a joke last Christmas when the ads began coming out for the Tassimo BrewBot.  First, Kelli found this hilarious forum filled with people who saw the commercial and thought the machine actually transformed into a robot. Then, upon learning it was just a regular one-cup brewer, were quite disappointed. So, of course, we had a few laughs at their expense. Until Amy said "Why can't we have tea robots?" And it hit me. She's right! I mean, NASA's got some time on their hands these days. Is it so much to ask for a robot to make me delicious beverages?! I think not!

• Is a little volume moderation too much to ask?

You know when you're watching a show that you didn't DVR, so you have to watch the commercials too? And the show is at a nice, comfortable volume... but then, out of nowhere, the Home Depot is suddenly SHOUTING at you? Yeah, I hate that. I don't understand anything about audio production. I just think that, if we can put a man on the moon, my TV should come with some sort of filter so movie fight scenes and random shouty commercials don't blow out my eardrums.

• Where is my meal in pill form?

So this one is a little bit flying car... but weren't we promised a couple decades ago that we'd have the option to get our meals - complete with all the vitamins and nutrients we needed... and the all important feeling of being full - in the form of a pill.  In general, I don't want that. Because cake tastes good, yo. But, when it's 400 degrees outside (like it is half the year here), it would be nice to have the option. Not only do I not want to heat up the house to cook something, even the simple act of chewing can cause you to break into a sweat in 324% humidity. Sometimes I'd just like to take a dinner pill and be done with it. Come on, Scientists!

• Do we really have still have "boy jobs" and "girl jobs"?

I posted this on Facebook yesterday and it's still annoying me. Normally, I'm not one to get worked up about gender issues. I think people should be treated fairly regardless of age, sex, race, religion... all the equal opportunity stuff. I'm a big fan. It just doesn't come up a lot in my daily life, so I don't give it a lot of thought. And while there are certain jobs I do think probably are more suited to men, that doesn't mean no woman could do them... or vice versa. However, when it comes to any mainstream job, I feel like either gender can do just fine. Like nursing. Why on earth did MSN feel the need to specify that their Hottest Husband was a "male" nurse? I think we gathered he was male when they said "husband and father".  One of my Facebook friends said "I'm going to start telling people I'm a female mother."  Another friend said "Maybe he's a nurse for males..."  Okay, if that's the case, disregard this paragraph. Otherwise, MSN, please join us in modern times.

• When will you people learn that the internet isn't private?

While I'm ranting about things posted online, I may as well rant about WeinerGate. Tweeting pictures of your junk? Seriously?! At least he can take comfort in the fact that he's not alone. Right, Brett Farve? But it's not just the rich and famous. How many people have been fired, expelled, or arrested over something they texted or posted online? Just because someone isn't your friend on Facebook doesn't mean someone who is your friend can't do a screen grab of something you posted. This isn't rocket science. The internet isn't "new" anymore. Nor is it going anywhere. Let's see if we can get through the rest of 2011 without people forgetting how to use it. (Talk about a flying car dream...)

• It would be cool if both sides were the cool side.

I'm a pillow snob. I admit it. When I was a broke single gal who had to share the cost of a gallon of milk with my cousin, I had a $90 pillow. Just this week, I had to replace my pillow. My new pillow is great, except for one major issue. The "cool" side is only lukewarm. In addition to caring an inordinate amount about the quality of the pillow, I'm an obsessive flipper. I sometimes catch myself waking up in the night for no reason other than to flip the pillow. Is there anything better than the feeling of the crisp, cool other side against your face? I declare there is not. So the new pillow? I don't know if it absorbs heat all the way through or what. (Because I don't understand the cool side of the pillow phenomenon anyway. I just love it.) I just know it's not cool enough. My smartphone can do everything shy of launch rocket ships or run Flash but temperature controlled pillows? There's not an app for that.

And finally, the biggest one...

• IT'S 2011... STOP FAXING ME!

I only have a fax machine because it came with the office. The fact that people still send me faxes blows my mind. The fact that people still want me to send them faxes and then act like I'm speaking Martian when I say "Could I email that to you instead?" seriously makes me die inside. When it was the best technology we had, it was handy. But now, it's the equivalent of striking rocks together to make fire. The next time someone asks me why I don't have children, I'm going to tell them that I can't bear the thought of raising them in a world that still faxes.

~What are your It's 2011 and... items?~

Wordless Wednesday: Pyrokinesis

As always, let's focus on the "less" in Wordless Wednesday. Not wordless. Because I would explode.

First, this happened...

And then, a few days later, this magnet came in the mail...

I love real mail! And I love Kerri! Thank you!! (And Kerri, I would have thanked you sooner but - as much as I love mail - I don't always remember to check it in a timely manner. Just ask the people who send me bills.)

The Bachlorette, Week 3: BentleyGate

Yes, yes, the big story this week is BentleyGate... but, believe it or not, Week 3 actually did have some other stuff going on. Not super exciting stuff, but other stuff nonetheless. And because I positively cannot deal with things that happen out of chronological order - like when a photo album has a picture of the same kid from third grade next to a picture from eighth grade and then one from their second birthday party and I get an instant headache - where was I? Right, Bentley... we'll get there when we get there.

First up, Chris Harrison has to come in and tell us what we already know... 2 one-on-one dates and a group date. If you don't get a rose on the one-on-one, you have to go home, blah blah blah.  And he tells us all this while wearing a navy blue zip up sweater that I am 98% sure was part of my high school uniform. Plus, my parents have been cleaning out my childhood closet, so it's entirely possible they donated the sweater to Goodwill and Chris bought it. At least, that's what I'm pretending happened. Anyway, the dates...

The first one-on-one goes to Ben C. And, since he mentioned dancing last week, guess what the date is this week? Um, dancing? Yes, dancing! (Once again, no, the Bachelor/ette doesn't get to specify who goes on what date, but I'm sure Ben mentioned his love of dancing on his application and, what do you know? They send him on a dancing date. It's also about time for someone to go on a "deepest, darkest fear" date... like snakes or scuba diving.) Back to Ben, Ashley takes him to a dance studio and teaches him a dance. Then they go to a picnic in the park. Everyone is standing around, gawking at them. Ashley decides they should do their dance, despite having no music and everyone staring at them. Ben reluctantly agrees. Not long into their dance, music starts playing and all the gawkers start dancing too. And - what do you know!? - it's the same dance! That's right... FLASH MOB!!!

Ben takes it all in stride, though not particularly in sync. He tells us that he knew she's the kind of girl he could spend the rest of his life with because of how she's so fun and willing to do things like dance in a flash mob. Oh, Ben. If the only characteristic you look for in a woman is the ability to flash mob, well, I can't do much to help you.

Next up, Far East Movement comes onto the stage in the park. Who are they? Oh, right - the group who sings (and I use that term loosely) "Like a G6"... which just happened to be the song that began playing when the flash mob got underway. Let's pause while I complain about this song....

I've never heard it before. I've heard of it... and thought "That sounds like a stupid song. I'm going to never listen to it." But, my ears were assaulted by it last night. And, it was just as horrible as I had imagined. Plus, I Googled it to see what would possess someone to create a song such as this. Well, Far East Movement thought the Gulfstream G4 private plane was cool... so they asked themselves "What's 'flyer' than G4? G6!"  So, instead of a private plane, they added 2.... and ended up with a Pontiac. Yeah, that's about right. Plus, I'm fairly certain Data from Goonies is a member of the group. Okay, not really. He's cooler than that. Anyway, "Like a G6"... ugh!!

Okay, so the crowd chants "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" and Ben and Ashley oblige. Next, they go to dinner. Ben says he wants to be so in love with someone that they live in a bubble and feel like no one has ever been as in love as them in the history of the world. I don't even know what to say to that. Except that Ben talks really, really fast. And I'm a fast talker, so for me to think you talk fast, wow!  However, Ben wins back a couple of points with me by saying if they had met a more conventional way and gone on a first date, he'd already be figuring out how to ask her on a second date. And when it would be okay to text her. And should he use an emoticon. Yes, he said "emoticon". Yes, I'm a huge geek, so I thought that was cute. Or, more like, adorkable. Ashley must like dorks too, because she gave him a rose and they kissed awkwardly.

30something

This morning, after putting on my makeup, I was rather pleased with the result. Not because I'd mastered some fabulous new technique or woke up having miraculously transformed into supermodel. Nope, nothing like that. I was just thrilled because I didn't have to use any under-eye concealer today.

The lack of concealer was particularly enjoyable since - just 12 hours before - I was sitting in the recliner whimpering and smelling like Icy Hot after having spent the afternoon on my feet.

Plus, it's June now... which means my official answer to "How old are you?" is "I'll be 32 in a couple of weeks."

Before you gasp and jump immediately to the comment section to tell me how old you are and how 32 is just a young pup, hold your fire! I'm not saying 32 is old. And even if it were, which it's not, I've never been one of those people to cringe at any certain age.

I had no problem turning 30. In fact, I threw myself a huge party. 30 seemed legit. I'd been a college graduate for 8 years at that point and I'd been married and a homeowner for 5. I was already an adult by all measurable standards, but ditching the 20something label was something I welcomed. And I still do. After all, age is just a number. You're only really as old as you feel, right?

Ah, there's the problem! I'm starting to feel older.



Almost a decade ago... when Cover Girl
still did the trick.



It's like when a car hits the 60,000 mile mark. On the outside, it may still look just fine. A couple of imperfections from the errant shopping cart or door ding, yet still relatively shiny and acceptable. But on the inside, the seats aren't as comfortable as they used to be. The "check engine" light starts coming on every now and then. An annoying rattle has developed in some impossible-to-locate area and is driving you crazy. All in all, the car is still great. It's still got a lot of use left in it. It just needs more maintenance than it used to.

That's how I feel. I still look young enough, or at least no one has ever guessed my age to be more than 27 or 28. (Unless maybe this is the one area in which people are just exceedingly polite.) But I know the maintenance it takes. Like under-eye concealer. And no longer from the drug store, but rather a proper make up counter. And hair color, not just to cover the grays (oh, the grays!) but also because when did my hair start looking so blah? So drab? And Advil, lots of Advil. Not only are the creaks and pops in my joints kind of embarrassing, they also hurt. And earlier bedtimes. Because otherwise I can't function well enough the next day to properly apply the under-eye concealer. Oh, and tweezers, because - seriously - what is up with these whiskers? It started as a rogue chin hair, but it's multiplied.



A few weeks ago... when my niece got a mouthful
of several layers of higher-end cosmetics.



I'm not old. Not even close. But some days, when the pinnacle of my morning is that the dark circles under my eyes aren't too bad, I realize I'm not exactly young either. At least not in the fresh-faced, perky, 20something way.



Nevertheless, even if it requires more work, being in my 30s is fun. As long as I have a nap. And Spanx.

Movie Review: The Hangover, Part 2

I realize I usually post movie reviews on Monday, so when I didn't do this on Monday, I kept putting it off and talking myself out of it. But then I realized the main reason I do movie reviews on Monday is because I like alliteration. Movie / Monday... it's a big deal in my world. Nevertheless, it's Thursday now and somehow I assume that will make no difference to anyone but me.

Moving along...

The Hangover, Part II

Normally I give a little synopsis of the movie and try to save my opinions until the end. That's not going to work here. If you didn't see the first one, it's unlikely you would be seeing this one. And if you saw the first one, you don't need a synopsis. It's the same movie the second time around, just set in Thailand at Stu's wedding instead of in Vegas before Doug's. The same "someone goes missing / everyone thing comes unraveled trying to find him" storyline as before.

Yeah, the same movie. Not that I expected otherwise because the previews pretty much looked like the exact same pattern, but I had hoped there would be a few surprises or unexpected additions. Not really. Basically the same movie with more humidity.

That's not to say it wasn't funny. It was. That's not to say the same kind of obvious, gross-out, uber-obnoxiousness didn't make me laugh. It did. I just didn't enjoy it all as much the second time around, I guess.

Flat. I think that's what it was. It was flat.

It did have some good lines. And yes, Alan, I wish monkeys could Skype, too. It was funny. The first Hangover, however, I thought was hilarious. Like "can't breathe because I'm laughing so hard" hilarious. This one, not so much.

I've heard a lot of mixed reviews. Some people thought it sucked, some thought it was better than the first one. I won't say it sucked, but I definitely don't think it compares to the first one. When it comes out on DVD, I'll watch it again. Maybe it will be more entertaining without the added pressure of living up to expectations I had going in.

Bottom line: I suggest you wait for DVD. I know it seems like one of those movies you should see ASAP in the theaters, so I won't fault you if that's what you decide to do... but be prepared to be underwhelmed. (Heck, maybe if you go in thinking it won't be very good, you'll end up really liking it.) I have to give it a C. It was average. No more, no less, and certainly no Part I.  (I almost gave it a C minus because "One Night In Bangkok" is still stuck in my head, but I applied extra credit earned by shirtless Bradley Cooper scenes and went with a C.)