I get home from work about 5:10 every day. By 5:12, I'm in yoga pants and a t-shirt. It would be 5:11 but I usually stop to pet the pups for a minute. Anyway, I'm not what you would call high fashion. I mean, remember some of those awful clothes I found the last time I realized how unfashionable I was?
But, somewhere along the way, I decided that the Burberry trench coat was the single greatest piece of fashion ever invented. I really don't know why. Maybe because it could cover whatever other crap I was wearing? No matter though... it's not like I would ever be able to afford one. Plus, even if I did skip a house payment and buy one, I'm sure I would sit on a freshly-painted park bench the very next day or something. The fact that I never go to a park and I'm pretty sure people only sit on freshly-painted park benches on TV shows is irrelevant. It would happen.
Nevertheless, I've always wanted to be the girl in the fabulous trench coat. Maybe I would never have a Burberry trench, but I could at least have a good trench, right? Not a Walmart trench. I mean, I'm fine with Walmart clothes (see: yoga pants) but not for this.
A few years ago, my sister-in-law and I were in Chicago. We took an afternoon and went out to a big outlet mall. The Michael Kors outlet had an awesome trench. It was just over $100, which was well within my "Reasonable range for something I've always wanted" range, but it exceeded my "I can't logically buy this since I've already spent a crap ton of money on vacation" threshold. Plus, it was a tiny bit snug. So I walked away.
And I've thought of it at least 100 times since. Anytime SIL and I talk shopping, once of us brings up that coat.
Fast-forward to this weekend. A dear friend and I met for dinner and a little shopping. She dresses much better than me, so she wanted to swing by Ann Taylor. I didn't expect to buy anything. Because Ann Taylor doesn't sell yoga pants. But then I saw it...
Since I've lost a pretty good amount of weight recently, I've been setting aside money whenever I can knowing I'd have to get some new clothes for fall / winter. I'd already spent some of it and the coat would eat up every last bit. But then I realized that everything in the store was 40% off, which would make just over what that coat from 3 years ago cost. I asked the sales associate if everything really meant everything. Because, you know, sometimes everything means "except jewelry, shoes, and amazing trench coats." She assured me it meant every single thing.
I put on the coat. My friends gasped "You HAVE TO buy that!" "I just don't know," I muttered. Then I thought of the last trench coat I walked away from and am still haunted by. But then I thought of the fact that I don't usually spend much on clothes. Even outerwear. I know those of you with a wardrobe full of "investment pieces" are shaking your head right now, but when the average piece of clothing in your wardrobe costs under $20, it's kind of a big deal. So I walked around some more.
"If you apply for a credit card, you get another 15% off," the sales girl said.
"My credit isn't that great. I'm working on it, but you know..." I sheepishly admitted.
"Even if you apply and are declined, we'll give you the 15%. You have to have that coat," the manager said.
So I applied. And it was approved. And, don't worry, I have the money in hand and am paying it off immediately. I'm sure I'll pay online. But I'm also sure I'll be sitting in front of my computer while wearing my new coat.
And the best part? All the new career choices I have. I can be a detective. Or a news reporter from the 1950s. Or, of course, a flasher.
I'm really leaning towards flasher. Because I live in the same vicinity as the Toad Suck Toe Sucker. Obviously the detectives and the news reporters are already out in full-force and still haven't caught the guy. So I'm thinking I can drive him back underground by outdoing him. And "Fatty Flasher" seems like it would do the trick!!
You're welcome.
Signed,
The girl in the fabulous trench coat... and maybe nothing else.
