It's the end of the world as we know it...

So apparently the world is ending on May 21st of this year. At least, that's what my friend Beth tells me.  Or, at least, that's what this picture she found on Google tells her.

Okay, so I really don't think the world is ending in a week and a half. Part of me hopes not, anyway. I've hardly accomplished anything on my bucket list. Plus, I just got around to losing some weight. If I've been mostly skipping dessert for months just so the world can end, yeah, I'm going to be kind of ticked.

But then there's part of me that's like "It's the end of the world as we know it..."  You know, because of all the proof. What proof, you ask?

First, CNN posted this:

Yeah, I realized naming a movie "The Beaver" is stupid. And Mel Gipson, well, also kind of stupid. But CNN? I expected a little better of you. I mean, I'm all for 8th grade humor (clearly, since this cracked me up for a good 20 minutes) but seriously? Let's just say that, as a general rule, "beaver" and "disappoints" shouldn't appear in the same sentence anywhere, but especially on a credible new site.

Then, Kerri spotted this gem:

Country Off Road Vehicle

Yep. That's a somewhere-around-life-sized decal of John Denver. Well, his torso, anyway. Look, I'm not ashamed to admit that I have a John Denver CD. Or 5. But why? Just, why? What makes a person say "I love this 70s folk singer so much that, in 2011, I'm going to use my Jeep as a rolling homage to him"? Plus, it seems disrespectful not to have West Virginia plates and a Mountain Mama in the car.

Then... then!! I saw this on Facebook. Yes, Facebook. That explains it all, right?

It was a long thread about DIY hair color vs. the salon, so I struck through it because you probably don't care. And because the context doesn't matter. The point is... "whala"!! Okay, I know people come from various walks of life and I should make fun of friends of friends, but really, I consider this a public service. The proper way to express almost-magical excitement is "VOILA!"  Not "viola", because that's a kind of stringed instrument. And certainly not quasi-phonetically with "whala". If you're over the age of, um, 8 and you don't at least know that this word begins with a V, how can I be expected to share a planet with you?

Oh, and speaking of Facebook. I've been fixated with the zombiepocalypse this week. Mostly because I'm exhausted and look like crap. But after posting that I was hoping to survive said 'pocalypse by blending in as one of their own, I noted that I might need to watch a few episodes of Jersey Shore. You know, to slow my brain waves down to undetectable levels. So Facebook, in its infinite recommending wisdom, thought I should "like" these two pages:

While I appreciate the personal touch of gleaning words from my status and showing me pages with those words, I'm struck by another fact. FIVE of my friends like Jersey Shore enough to want updates about them in their news feed. How? Why? I just don't... I mean... I still love you guys, but...

So, back to May 21st. The world isn't ending, but if it did, would that be the worst thing? I mean, if we stick around, there will be another Bieber album. And Snooki's spin-off show. And Trump running for President.

All I'm saying is don't tempt fate. Let's get our act together. Learn how to spell basic words. Not make movies with "Beaver" in the title, unless immediately preceded by "Leave it to...". Don't wear rompers unless you're poolside. Otherwise, next week or 2012 or whenever it is, I am joining forces with the zombies. We're hijacking the John Denver Jeep and we're coming straight for you.