Fatty on a Soapbox

You might have seen the Marie Claire / Mike and Molly controversy from the last few days. If not, you can read the article here. Long story short, the article entitled "Should Fatties Get A Room (Even on TV)?", said some fairly brazen things about the overweight characters on the show... and overweight people in general. For my part, I wrote a ridiculously long post about how that made me feel and how - when I was thin - an associate at Lane Bryant was mean to me but, when I gained weight and went back, she was nice to me, and how people should choose their words more carefully

Then, in an effort to heed my own advice, I decided not to click "Publish" and to reformulate my thoughts as succinctly as possible. So, here goes...

I'm not a fan of "political correctness". I don't think people should take everything they see or hear personally. You're entitled to your opinion. I'm entitled to mine. The author of the magazine article is entitled to hers. Did it offend me? Yes. But when she sat down to write it, was she singling me out and thinking "I hope this ticks off that chubby girl in Arkansas with a blog that hardly anyone reads"? No. She said her piece. I disagreed with it and felt like it was a bit mean-spirited. That's that.

What I am a fan of asking "why". I expect parents of toddlers just let out a huge sigh. And it's true. I never got over that phase. I still insist on knowing the "why" behind just about everything. In this case, it's not that she said what she said that bothers me, it's wondering why.

Why would intimacy between two plus-sized characters make her more uncomfortable than intimacy between two thin characters? Frankly, I'm fine with keeping intimacy intimate and not really watching other people do it at all. Why would she think that anyone who was obese would graciously accept her weight-loss tips after she basically called them disgusting and said they make her sick? Why would a magazine ask a recovering anorexic to write an article about "fat people"?  I don't know why... but here's what I do know...

There is a scene from The West Wing that I think about often. (Well, there are many scenes from The West Wing I think about often because it's an awesome, thought-provoking show.) Anyway, in this particular scene, Sam and Ainsley are arguing about gun control. Sam criticizes people who "like guns". Ainsley then says "...you don't like people who do like guns. You don't like the people."

That gets to me. We all have certain rights and opinions and beliefs and biases. But do we like the people? The people who are different from us... do we like them? Not do we agree with them. Not do we condone whatever it is they are doing. Not even do we want to be friends with them. Just, in general, do we like them as fellow human beings? If you like the people, can you not find a way to express your opinion without being just plain mean? If you like the people, can you maturely discuss differences of opinion rather than just taking it personally and leaving angry comments on their Facebook page?

Am I okay with poking fun at a person who, of her own volition, goes on The Bachelor, gets drunk and makes a fool of herself? You betcha. Am I going to stop making jokes about bad grammar or the fact that someone comes to my business and wants to sell me frozen meat out of their truck? Not a chance. I just hope I can keep in mind that there is a line between snark and downright derogatory.

I might be fat, but I don't want to be ugly* on top of it.

*To my non-Southern friends, "ugly" here is generally meant to describe my attitude, not my overall appearance. Because, clearly, I'm cute as a button.

Wordless Wednesday: Halloween Edition

Dancing With The Stars: Week 6

Last week, Florence Henderson and Corky were sent home. Hmm, seems maybe I wasn't the only one who didn't want to watch Mrs. Brady do inappropriate things to Mark Ballas' dad. Don't get me wrong, she was incredibly agile for a woman in her 70's... but my grandma could totally take her!

This week was Rock Week. And boy was I excited to see how the DWTS band would butcher some of our favorite rock songs. (I mean, seriously... if they can get the rights to play the song, why can't they use the actual song instead of Shrieks-A-Lot Lady singing them?) Anyway, I was unimpressed by Rock Week. Mostly, it involved animated flames projected on the walls, "DWTS" projected on the floor in a KISS-like font, the occasional burst of pyrotechnics and, as Brooke described it "a solid steel concert-style set". Oh, and guyliner. Lots and lots of guyliner.

Also, because we are at the point in the competition where they don't have enough dancing to cover the two hour time slot but still have too many people to have each couple dance two dances, we get lots of filler pieces. This week was a countdown of the audience's favorite dances. It was cool to see some dances from the seasons I watched... and, as a confessed season skipper... it wasn't terrible to see some of them I missed. I could list them all out for you, but I'm not. Google it if you're just dying to know. The #1 choice was Drew Lachey and Cheryl's Freestyle. I thought it should have been Drew Lachey and Cheryl's Paso Doble, but whatever.

This week also featured a dance marathon. That's right... they tangoed for 26.2 miles. Okay, actually, all the teams were on the floor at once and were to do legal moves from the jive, lindy hop and some other swing dance. One by one, the judges would eliminate a team. Points were based on how long they stayed in.

 Ok, on with the dancing...

Audrina Patridge and Tony: Last week, Bruno told Audrina "Don't be plastic, be fantastic". Apparently this damaged her fragile ego. Instead of rehearsing, Tony took her to learn to fight MMA. And by "fight MMA", I mean "Hit a punching bag with a picture of Bruno taped on it". For real. Supposedly she gained a lot of confidence and intensity from this that would help her in the Paso. Um, not so much. Compared to the other dancers, she is still well above average. But I thought it was one of her worst dances. It was flaily and her face was weird / blank the whole time.

Reaction from the judges: Carrie Ann said Audrina's improvement has been impressive but this dance lacked intention. I guess Carrie Ann has made it to the chapter on the letter I in "Vocabulary for Dummies". Len said Audrina was getting on his nerves by rarely getting into character. What? A girl famous for being on an MTV reality show can't act? Shocking. Bruno said something about Eva Longoria being a man-eating Spanish beauty.  Score: 24 (+8 in the marathon) = 32

Kyle Massey and Lacey: Since he kind of sucked it up last week, Lacey decided to video tape the steps to this week's dance so he could practice at home. On his iPhone. With his brother. Who was wearing women's clothing. I didn't love the dance. It was a good attempt at making the tango fun and age-appropriate but I wrote down "Meh" as my reaction. Meh.

Reaction from the judges: Len said he could tell Kyle worked hard after last week but to find the balance between performance and technique. Bruno said the hold was good and the footwork was better. Carrie Ann said his carriage was amazing. I assume she meant posture, not horse-drawn. Score: 22 (+7 in the marathon) = 30

Lists, Lists, and More Lists

I love lists. Period. On the surface, I might seem a little scattered at times. I don't keep a very clean house. I'm almost never on time. I rarely cook. I recently failed to notice I needed new tires until my car was fishtailing in Chicago traffic. So, I can see where you might not think I'm very organized. But, trust me, it could be worse. If something has to be done, I have to put it on a list. Period. Out of this necessity has grown a love for lists. It's my therapy. (Although I think if a mental health professional realized the extent of my list-making, they might recommend actual therapy.) Anyway, I think I have the best lists around. My mother-in-law made the mistake of asking for a Christmas list once. I think she was surprised when she received an email with an Excel spreadsheet attached, pictures of each item, and a link to a website where she could purchase it. And then there is my grocery list. I prefer it to be grouped a certain way... the way I travel through Walmart. I walk in the door - I take a right... so makeup, medicine, shampoo, etc. goes on the list first. Next, the tool / car care area. David needs tire foam. Okay, that goes on the list next. And so forth until I have mentally covered the store in a counter-clockwise fashion. That's how you do it too, right?

Well, our vacation is rapidly approaching. Vacation is a list-makers dream! First things first: a list of the various lists I need to make. (Oh yeah, it happens. Normally I use scratch paper. Today, I'm using my blog. Lucky you.) Then, after I've got my list of lists, I can start filling them in. For some reason, I think better with a pen in hand. The first draft is always hand-written. Yes, I said "first-draft". That does, in fact, imply there are additional drafts. Of the computerized, clip-art, hyperlink variety. It's a sickness. But I relish it. Here's what I think I'll need for this trip:

• Shopping list: I need a new package of socks. David needs a travel-sized can of shaving cream and a new Sudoku book. Oh, I'm out of Prilosec (yeah, like it surprises you I have stomach issues). I can't leave town unless I have more Prilosec. After all, we typically vacation in remote parts of the world, like Orlando, where we can't get to Target and replace anything we have forgotten.
• 2 packing lists: one for stuff I can pack ahead of time, then a "morning of" list for stuff I can't pack in advance (makeup, medicine, etc.) but need to make sure I don't leave sitting on the kitchen counter.
• House-sitting list: The only reason I'd even be mentioning going out of town on my blog is because my house will be attended by my sister and my very large brother-in-law... who bench presses over 400 pounds and is quite fond of the 2nd Amendment. Don't bother trying to rob me. Still, they need to know that the washing machine has to be pushed all the way into the corner or it gets off-balance. And how to change the TV over to "HDMI 7" if they want to watch a movie.
• Bruiser's list: He has special needs. He's accustomed to a certain lifestyle. He requires his own list.
• David's list: Who is going to put his check in the bank Friday? Does he give the cat dry food in the morning and wet in the evening? I can't remember. And I need to put it on the house-sitting list. What else does he need on the shopping list?
• Work list: The girl who covers for me when I am out is fabulous. Partly because she is very good at her job. And partly because she's also, um, rather particular - like me. So I know she's going to take care of what needs taken care of whether I put it on a list or not. And she knows I'm going to give her a list anyway. It's a great relationship.
• Vacation list: Supposing I actually stop making lists in time to catch the flight, what are we going to do when we get there? Have no fear! I have a list... well, it's more of a schedule. A folder, actually. With tickets. And maps. And specifics on what time each park opens and closes. And tips I garnered from friends and websites. "Don't go in the single-rider line for The Forbidden Journey or you'll miss all the cool stuff inside." You know, just a few basic things. Nothing crazy.
• Souvenir list: Who do I need to get stuff for? Does BB like Ariel or Belle better? Ariel, right. SW likes Iron Man, followed by Spiderman. Got it. My mom said MJ like Minnie the best. Dessie is sending me money to get a wand for her son... which wizard does he want? Oh, and should I send postcards with the Hogsmeade postmark on them? I better write down addresses... and put them in the Vacation List folder...

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get started making my first drafts of all these lists. In the meantime, feel free to make your own list: Psychological Disorders Audreya Might Have...  or Reasons To Never Travel With Audreya (although you can just print out this post and then all your list has to contain is "See Exhibit A".)

Dancing with the Stars: Week 5

Last week, The Situation and Karina were sent home. Hmm, so it turns out it takes more than ripped abs and a star shaved into your hair to make you a good dancer. Who knew? That said, I will again mention that I did not hate him as much as I expected to. I still don't want to be friends with him... just saying there are other people I'd like to kick in the shins more than him. Hey, that's something...

This week was TV theme week. This week was also "Hey, we have time to kill but not quite enough time to squeeze in two dances, so we'll put a bunch of filler crap in there." So, the judges talked about each dancer's strengths and weaknesses (which I kind of thought was was they did during the judging each week, but ok) and which dance was their best. I wrote it down but I've suddenly decided it's not worth reiterating. Basically, Audrina, Brandy, and Jennifer are their favorites. Shocking, right?  Oh, and in the interest of full disclosure, I should tell you I was a little distracted while watching this episode. Why?

Well, I had this little thing alternating between chewing on my notebook and sleeping in my lap. Oh, this is - well, we haven't decided on a name yet because we haven't decided if she is going to live with us yet. It's a fairly long story. Anyway, for now, we're calling her Lucy. As in "Lucy in the sky with diamonds". Earlier last night, we were calling her Cricket. Before that, Princess Consuela. And also Kristi Yamaguchi. So, yeah, we haven't decided on a name yet. Anywho...

Brandy and Maks: Rehearsal was a bunch of malarkey about what great friends they are... probably to make up for the fact that she's losing tons of votes by acting like a complete heifer. Yeah, their BFF. Sure. Anyway, they danced a Quickstep to the theme song from Friends. Why yes, I did find it offensive that meanie Brandy danced to the theme from my favorite show EVER and the recessional from my wedding, whilst the song was being butchered by the DWTS band. Why yes, Dena did text me about it being sacrilegious. And the dance didn't make much sense to me. There was a giant lollipop. She made sarcastic faces throughout. Maks actually made it pretty fun. Clearly the judges and I were watching different dances.

Reaction from the judges: Carrie Ann thought it took Brandy to a whole 'nother level. Len was "so impressed" and said it was her best yet. Bruno broke his pen writing rave reviews. Score: 27 (Maks swatting Host Tom on the hiney at the end was probably the best part.)

Florence Henderson and Corky: David was watching this episode with me. I said "Oh, sorry you missed the elderly porn last week when Florence and Corky danced the rumba." He said "I heard she danced a few rumbas with Greg Brady."  And then, lo and behold, who showed up to this week's rehearsal? Greg Brady! Florence said she couldn't confirm or deny their relationship. GAG. I really wanted to like her but she's a little abrasive. Their dance was a tango to... wait for it... The Brady Bunch theme. Well, that is, if you can call it a dance. Mostly, I thought there wasn't much footwork and, for most of the dance, she (intentionally) stood stiff while Corky flung her about like a mannequin.

Reaction from the judges: Bruno said it started off nice but there was no need for her to go into ragdoll mode. Len said parts were excellent, parts were frantic... but it was her best so far. Carrie Ann said she was a sexy senior. Wow - talk about a backhanded compliment. Score: 21

Dear TV Overlords...

My freshman year in high school, I remember vividly a phone call I received from Dena. I was sitting on my parents' bed, watching TV. Someone must have been watching another show on the living room TV.

"AUDREYA! OH MY GOSH! Have you been watching that new show My So-Called Life?"

"OH MY GOSH! YES!! I LOVE IT!!"

We talked about what a cool show it was. How hot Jordan Catalano was. How much we loved it when he sang. Like when he sang "Blister in the Sun" and "I Wanna Be Sedated". And how it was kind of frustrating because it was on that the same time as this other show - Friends - that we kind of liked. So, you had to record Friends on one TV and watch My So-Called Life on another. But it was so worth it.

And then, just like that, My So-Called Life was gone. Vanished. Jordan Catalano had been ripped from my life with no warning. The show was not renewed for a second season. Cliffhangers were just left, well, hanging. It was my first gut-wrenching break-up blindside.

That's when I realized what a cruel mistress TV is.

But, despite the heartbreak, I got back up on the proverbial horse. I was, am, and will probably always be, a TV addict. Yet, lately, I've noticed an increase in the My So-Called Life effect.

I don't profess to know a single thing about how TV ratings work. (Nor do I necessarily want someone to explain it to me.) I just know that lately I'm afraid to get invested in a new show because so many of them just disappear.

Take October Road, for example. Did anyone else watch that? I thought it had the makings of a really good show. Maybe it didn't come out gangbusters but, after a few episodes, the characters and the storylines were really starting to develop. I liked it. It had started in the spring with a few episodes, then went on summer "hiatus", came back late in the fall season (well past the normal "premiere" time) and then, poof, it disappeared. Annoying.

Same thing for Samantha Who? You know, where Christina Applegate had amnesia. It was cute. I liked it. It was cancelled on the grounds that it "lost momentum". Yeah, it got caught up in the Writer's Strike and was on a really long break. But, come on, it was a nice, light, funny show.

But at least those two examples had two seasons, albeit choppy and oddly-timed seasons, but two seasons. What really annoys me is the shows that are cancelled after just a few episodes.

This season, I decided to give My Generation a try. A documentary-style show (think The Office style, but more drama than comedy) with the premise that a camera crew had followed a group of seniors during their final year of high school. Now, the same crew was going to catch back up with them and see what they had accomplished, who they had married, etc.  The first two episodes were good. I thought they were relatable and I was interested in seeing what happened. And then it was cancelled. After two episodes. I mean, was I literally the only person in America who watched it?

It seems to me like shows would rely on word-of-mouth as much as they rely on promos, ads in the side of my Facebook column, etc. How many shows did you see a preview for and think "Hmm. Maybe?" but then bypass... until your friends were all "Do you watch Modern Family? It's hilarious!!" Not to mention that we don't "get" our TV the same way anymore. There are a lot of shows that I missed the first few episodes or the first few seasons but then decided I wanted to try. So, I put them on my Netflix queue or I fire them up on Hulu (where I still have to sit through ads, so don't blame it on the fact that I DVR so many things and flip past the commercials and cut into your ad buys). I'm not sure how the ratings gurus and TV execs do or don't factor that into their plan, but if you pull the plug immediately, you miss out on the Netflix / Hulu crowd who might be late to the party, but once they get there, think it's the best party ever. 

This post is not a call to action or an effort to start a petition to save some certain show. The point is this: I think the TV overlords got it in their head that every show should be Grey's Anatomy. You know, a bazillion viewers from Day 1 and a rapid ascent to the top of the ratings. Well, that's not how it works all the time. (PS: I took Grey's Anatomy off my DVR season pass this year. Gasp!) The real problem, I think, is the TV overlords. Look what they did to My Boys. That was a great show. Sure, IMDB says it had 4 seasons... but what it actually had were 6 or 8 episodes in a row and then 6 or 8 (or more) months between "seasons". Yeah, people lost interest. Duh.

So, TV overlords, knock it off! If you're not in a position to give a show a fair shake, don't even put it on at all. TV is like me. At first, you're iffy, but once you get to know me, I'm pretty awesome. Two or three episodes is just not enough. You're making me angry and forcing me to read more books. I'm contemplating taking up yoga. I'm - dare I say it - caught up on the laundry. Is this what you want?! Or would you rather my too-large butt be planted on my sofa night after night watching your shows... followed by chatting it up all over Twitter about how good the episode was? Yeah - that's what I thought. I mean, if your finger is just itching to hit the cancel button on something, try Jersey Shore.

Dancing With The Stars: Week 4

Last week, Margaret and Louis were sent home. Though I'm wasn't at all surprised - and frankly, she was clearly outmatched by the other dancers - I will miss them. Mostly because I think Louis is awesome. But also because you could tell she was trying really hard, it just wasn't coming together for her. Live long and prosper, Margaret and Louis.

This week, was Acoustic Week in the new themed thing DWTS has going on. In addition to acoustic music, it was also "Dance in the round" week... with the stage transformed into a round, raised stage and the audience right at the edge. Somewhere along the line, it must have also been decided it was bow tie week. I didn't notice until a couple of people had danced, so I don't have an accurate count, but the vast majority of the men had bow ties this week. Oh, and it was also "complicated scoring" week. The competitors earned separate scores for technique and for performance. You know, like in ice skating. Mostly, it just seemed like a way to atone for Bruno being mean to Michael Bolton. "Well, your dance sucked but you smiled pretty... so, here are four points for your dance and eleventy performance points because we can justify keeping you around better this way." And finally, it was also "instant replay" week. Seriously, after their dance, Brooke would show the competitors a slow-motion replay of part of their dance and ask them to tell her what they were doing / thinking / feeling. Surprisingly, no one punched her.

Kurt Warner and Anna: They are dancing the rumba, which all of us who have ever watched before have been reminded over and over again is basically the dance version of s-e-x. Kurt mentions that this is hard for him because he's a Christian guy and he's married and this isn't the kind of dance he would normally do with anyone but his wife. Luckily, Anna is married too (to Jonathan Roberts, who has been one of the pros on DWTS many seasons) so they bring their spouses in and have a pow-wow about how it's not weird. And their performances ended up being not weird. Not great either. Kurt still looks really awkward in his hand / arm movements. But overall, pretty alright.

Reaction from the judges: Bruno said his hands still look like he's catching a football and that their dance looked like brother and sister and wasn't raunchy enough. Carrie Ann said she loved it and raunch didn't equal a good performance... but to work on his arms. Len said similar nice things.

Complicated ice skating score:  19 (performance) 15 (technical)  Total: 34

**UPDATE: Well, I got the Bottom Two right... and, fortunately, The Situation and Karina went home. Yay! I get Mark for another week!!**

A David Moment: Hipsters

A few days ago, we checked out a new restaurant in town. I'd been to the original restaurant in Little Rock and knew the place had a trendy / artsy vibe... and was delicious. The newly-opened local restaurant is in a similar neighborhood (basically on campus of the trendy / artsy college) so I expected the same vibe. And indeed, I was not disappointed. However, I was interested to see how David - fresh from the deer woods - would react. After a girl with dreads and a plaid skirt and a guy in cords, a white t-shirt and a cabbie hat walked by, I said:

Me: Clearly this place caters to the hipster crowd.
David: Clearly these are my people.
Me: Clearly.
David: What? It's true.
Me: The only thing you've ever had in common with a hipster is...
David: Body odor?
Me: Um, I was going to say "that unfortuate stocking cap phase you went through".
David: I miss that hat.

So, of course, I wondered what David would look like if he actually did make the leap from burly hunter to hipster...

Hmm, maybe not so much...

Life List

My friend Savannah posted a great blog of her "life list". You might think of it as a "bucket list", but I thought "life list" sounded much cheerier and full of, well, life. So, inspired by her post, here is my list as it stands at the moment. Like she stated, some of these are things I've wanted to do forever. (I've actually kept lists like this for as long as I can remember, so I have managed to cross off some of these!)Some of them I thought of just now. Most are somewhere in between. Some are realistic, some not so much. Oh, and some are stolen straight off of her list - but, to be fair, they are things I really wanted to do anyway. And, of course, these are things I want to do while I'm on earth. My ultimate to do list item is to go to Heaven.

• Planewatch on Maho Beach (St. Maarten)
• Visit all 50 states
• Meet a famous person
• Be friends with a famous person
• Master consistently throwing a spiral
• Clean out the garage
• Stand inside the Oval Office
• Study abroad
• Learn to fold a fitted sheet
• Attend a Cubs game at Wrigley
• Stormchase
• Visit the Smithsonian

• Go to a Notre Dame / Michigan football game with David
• Read the Bible cover to cover
• Skydive
• Go back to Italy
• Meet a friendly ghost
• Cut my hair so I can donate it to Locks of Love
• Turn David into a traveler
• Have one of my cakes "recognized" with an award or in a magazine or something
• Hug Jake Anderson
• Kiss the Blarney Stone
• Bring my grandmother a Rosary from the Vatican
• Speak Spanish fluently
• Like more vegetables
• See U2 in concert
• Be mayor
• Pay off all debt except the house... or maybe even the house
• Run a mile  (Tried but was vetoed by my doctor)
• Spend a week (or more) in Alaska
• Live to see a logical college football playoff / championship system
• See George Strait in concert  (and shook his hand!)
• Learn to sail... or at least go on a sailboat
• Visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter the year it opens (going in a few weeks!!)
• Start to play the fiddle again. So I can fiddle with Charlie Daniels.
• Wears heels more than one a year
• See Aerosmith in concert
• Write a novel (edit a novel and decide what to do with it are different matters)
• Walk across Abbey Road (and, of course, take the required picture)
• Help build a house with Habitat for Humanity
• Live in a Craftsman style home
• Fly First Class somewhere
• Go to the opera
• Learn a ballroom dance
• Win a "real" award
• Ride most of the "best" roller coasters
• Remember all the things I've previously stated should be on this list but have since forgotten
• Add a new item every time I cross one off (Thanks, Savannah... this is my favorite!)

~What about you? What's one thing (or more) on your list?~

Wordless Wednesday: Back off ladies, he's all mine!

David is rarely at a loss for words... unless it's
lunchtime and he's hungry.

Dancing With The Stars: Week 3

~ Today I also have a guest post up at ImPossible Stories about living with lupus. Check it out here ~

It was story week on Dancing With The Stars. Huh? Story week? I've watched about half the seasons of DWTS and I don't remember themed weeks. When did those start? Anyway, story week, props are encouraged, okay...

Jennifer Grey and Derek: When your partner is old enough to be your mother, what do you do? Oh, a teacher / student thing. Gotcha. Bonus points if you wear a shirt that says "Baby Derek" in the Dirty Dancing font. Yeah. He did that. And he called Jennifer "Baby". Last week, there were no references to past movies or departed partners, so this week, we got a two-for-one. Their performance was good, but do I need to say that at this point? She messed up one time but I think it was only so obvious because she'd hardly messed up before.

Reaction from the judges: Carrie Ann said they were out a bit out of sync but told their story well. Len called out her mistake during her "little twiddly bit". Bruno said she was the sex mistress of Cougar Town Academy of Samba. Wow. That's a lot of words.  Score: 24

Florence Henderson and Corky: They danced a waltz to Edelweiss. It's almost like the music chooser person knew Florence had been in The Sound of Music. For their story, they go with a woman who knows she is attracted to the guy but runs away at first. Or something like that. I'm not really sure. And somehow it's connected to Florence's husband, who passed away 8 years ago. I thought their dance was okay. She did a lot of fanning out her skirt that seemed really odd and like she had to stop to think about it.

Reaction from the judges: Carrie Ann took the emotional route with the "John is smiling down on you". Bruno said it was simple, effective and sweet. Len said it was poignant and a beautiful story but her footwork wasn't the best. Score: 20

Kurt Warner and Anna: These two foxtrotted to "Bad Day". To learn to be more delicate and foxtrotty, Kurt had a tea party with his daughters.Their story was some grumpy lady sitting in the rain and Kurt gives her a flower and makes it smile. The "rain' effect in the ballroom was cool. Mostly, I am just jealous he walked out of one of those big, red, British phone booths. I want one of those! In my living room! For real!!

Reaction from the judges: Carrie Ann said it was charming and she loved it. Len said his arms lacked musicality but everything else was good. Bruno told him his hands were flailing about again. Score: 23

Margaret Cho and Louis: For their samba (to Copacabana - one of the most fun songs ever!), they decide to emphasize pride and coming out and expressing themselves. Unfortunately, I thought Margaret's face still looked contorted and I thought it was odd that their story was about expressing themselves but she wore a top with flesh colored material for the purpose of covering up her tattoos. But her rainbow dress was fun.

Reaction from the judges: Carrie Ann said she loved the story but the dance lost control. Margaret interjected that it was the gayest thing to happen on DWTS. Len said it started off good but got lost and he didn't get the story. Bruno asked if she'd had too many drinks but then started dancing around and praising them for waving the rainbow flag. I'm not sure Bruno actually watched the dance or if he just got so excited to not be the gayest thing on the show for a few moments in time. (But seriously, I love you, Drunk Uncle Bruno!! I mean, come on, how fun would Thanksgiving be with this guy?!)  Score: 18

Audrina Patridge and Tony: They have a waltz and decided the story would be a Marine husband who was killed coming back in a dream for one last dance with his wife. I wrote down "smooth and very waltzy". I'm not sure what that means except I thought it look like a waltz should. And that I think the waltz is super boring.

Reaction from the judges: Len said she danced with her heart. Bruno said it was beautifully danced. Carrie Ann agreed but said she needed to point her toes more. Score: 26  (They followed with the video of Tony getting his legs waxed as he promised last week. He was actually pretty brave about it.)

Bristol Palin and Mark: They got to foxtrot to Just The Way You Are. Mark decided to be a homeless guy and Bristol a "fancy" lady who doesn't pay attention to him... but then she does and they dance. I guess. Mostly, I was mad because Bristol wouldn't look at Mark and he said "Do you think I'm ugly?" and she nodded. Um, what?! I guess she didn't get the memo that I LOVE Mark Ballas!! I thought their performance was good. A little odd and I didn't get the whole homeless storyline.

Reaction from the judges: Len said it was too contemporary - but appreciated that she did what he asked last week and took a chance. Carrie Ann said the movements were beautiful but Bristol still needs to work on being a performer. Bruno pretty much said the same thing as Carrie Ann. Then he did some big, emphatic flip of his head that nearly knocked Len out.  Score: 19 (And, while waiting for their score, Mark gave Bristol the sweetest kiss on the cheek. Did I mention that I love him? My new goal in life is to get marginally famous - just enough to get on this show - and then be his partner! Of course, I will die during the first week of training, but talk about your bucket list item...)

Brandy and Maks: Normally I feel sorry for the person paired with Maks. This season, I kind of feel sorry for Maks. Brandy is even more douchey than him. I realize she dedicated most of their rehearsal scenes to defending herself and "blaming the edit"... and she taped her own mouth shut. Still, as DWTS contestants go, she's turned out to be one of my least favorites. And that surprises me. Their dance was a samba. The story was that she was a singer (creative, right?) and Maks was her bodyguard. I didn't get their performance. I mean, it was good but Maks was really cartoony and the story didn't make sense. But, once again, I give Brandy the Best Dressed award.

Reaction from the judges: Len and Maks argue about the storyline or something. But he said it had energy. Bruno says the diva is coming back and he does a lot of arm flailing. I'm not sure if he meant himself or Brandy was the diva. Carrie Ann calls Maks "naughty" and tries to spank him but he walks away. If she were at all cognizant of what a doofus she is, that would have hurt her ego. Score: 24

Kyle Massey and Lacey: First, their music is "Take it to the limit" by the Eagles. Lacey says she doesn't know the Eagles... is that like the Beatles? A little piece of my soul died. They traded in their music for some other song about falling in love at a coffeehouse. During their performance, she wore pants. Pants on a girl during a waltz just doesn't work. I mean, it's such a boring dance. The only thing that livens it up is all the pretty skirt fluttering.

Reaction from the judges: Bruno said it was likable and brilliant and his feet needed work. Len said the performance was good but the footwork was atrocious. (Atrocious. You hear that, Michael Bolton? Should Kyle demand an apology!?) Carrie Ann reiterated her crush on Kyle and said she loved it. Score: 23

The Situation and Karina: I thought maybe I was being too hard on Sitch. I mean, I had only watched about 3 minutes of Jersey Shore in my life and here I was calling him all sorts of horrible stuff. So, I resolved to watch an entire episode of Jersey Shore. I made it 26 minutes. During those 26 minutes, he exposed his abs 4 times, never took off his sunglasses (despite being in a club and in the house), got punched by someone called Angelina, and very loudly hooked up with a Canadian chick. Oh, and he also ordered a cab... under the name "Situation". Dude, your name is Mike. M-I-K-E. It has far fewer syllables. All that being said, as my cousin pointed out, Sitch is not as bad as she expected. Meaning, he's still ridiculous - but for how ridiculous we all thought he would be, he's maybe a little less ridiculous than that. Oh, and their performance was weird. A foxtrot to Boom Boom Pow? Some weird story line about a scientist and time travel? Yikes.

Reaction from the judges: Len said he admired M-I-K-E for trying... but if he were dancing in the backyard, Len would draw the curtains. Really? If someone was dancing in my backyard, I'd call the cops. Or shoot them with the BB gun. Bruno said it was Land of the Lost Foxtrot... yet weirdly entertaining. Carrie Ann called it Boom Boom Wow. Could she make it any more obvious that she wants to have a no-pants party with this guy? Score: 20  (And during his interview after their score, he said "You know" 4 times. It was about a 10 second piece. Yuck.) 

Rick Fox and Cheryl: They do a samba about a player who cost his team the game, so he went to the bar to drown his sorrows. Cheryl tells him to be sexier. He says it's weird having a 26 year old pipsqueak tell him he's not sexy. Wait? Does he even have a body? I STILL can't get past those teeth. Seriously, dude, lay off the Crest White Strips. Did you learn nothing from Ross on Friends? You know, when he bleached his teeth for a date, left the strips on for 2 days, then his teeth were so freakishly white he hid behind his wine glass all night? And later she turned on a black light and his teeth looked radioactive. Wait, where was I? Oh, their dance. It was pretty fun. She unbuttoned his shirt during the dance. She danced on a table. Basically, it was The Cheryl Show and Rick just extended his arms a few times.

Reaction from the judges: Len said it was well done. Carrie Ann said it was hot, sexy and gooooood. Yes, she put 45 "o" sounds in the word. Bruno said something... maybe "hot cheek" and "bring it on". Basically, I think Bruno and Carrie Ann had been drinking during all the commercial breaks. Score: 24

So that was story week. It was awesome. Except that it totally wasn't.

** UPDATE:  Margaret and Louis did go home. Wow - I've been right two weeks in a row. What do I win? Also, The Situation's dance was the one the judges wanted to see again. Really? Ick. **

Movie Review Monday: The Social Network

This weekend, I saw The Social Network... or "The Facebook movie", as pretty much everyone has decided to call it. Initially, I wasn't sure if I wanted to see it. I mean, I like Facebook. What if this movie made me hate it? You know, like those exposés about chicken slaughterhouses that make people puke and become vegetarians.

But, in the end, we should have all known that my love of Aaron Sorkin would be the deciding factor. You know, Aaron Sorkin... as in "guy who wrote The West Wing... the greatest 1 hour show in the history of television" or "guy who wrote The American President... my favorite movie of all-time". 

Then all the critics started loving The Social Network. Usually, if critics love it, I hate it. So, I was back on the fence. Then a lot of my friends started posting on Facebook about how great the movie was...

So, if you need a little background... there's this website called Facebook. Maybe you've heard of it? The movie (adapted from a book I didn't read called The Accidental Billionaires) focuses on Mark Zuckerberg as a Harvard student / computer genius as he essentially creates Facebook from his dorm room. It goes through a website he started prior to Facebook that got him a lot of attention, how he may or may not have stolen the idea for Facebook from some other people, how he built his team from just himself and his best (only) friend Eduardo Saverin (the co-founder) and how the site turned into the ginormous deal that it is today.

It follows two lawsuits: one between Mark and Eduardo, who was forced out of the company, and one between Mark and the three guys who claimed the site was their idea - showing a scene from the "present-day" proceedings of the lawsuits and then flashing back to the events that answered the attorney's questions / depict how Facebook came to be.

I was very apprehensive about the movie because Mark Zuckerberg (or anyone else officially associated with Facebook) was not involved in the project. I'm a firm believer that there are two (or twenty) sides to every story. It's pretty easy to mold a story a certain way when it's primarily from other people's accounts and not the person it focuses on. A lot of the "buzz" and the trailers for the movie made it look like Zuckerberg was a scumbag who screwed over everyone he knew on his way to the top. Pleasantly, played out a lot better than I expected. Of course, it's not pro-Zuckerberg, but it made him look more like a socially awkward, somewhat easily manipulated guy than someone who was just completely malicious. He was portrayed as kind of cold and distant but not the villian I thought they would make him.

Best of all, it was exactly what I expect from Aaron Sorkin. It was completely filled with dry, sarcastic humor. Perhaps you've noticed my fondness for such a thing. There were parts that I thought were freaking hilarious. Granted, I'm the target audience for this kind of film... so yeah, bulls eye. And I'm not usually one to comment on (or even pay much attention to) the score of a movie, but this one was fantastic. For future reference, Trent Reznor and Atticus Rose working on the music of a movie is a great idea.

All in all, sure, there were some things about the movie that I am sure were "creative license" and not how the events actually played out in real life (and by "real life", I mean things Zuckerberg has pointed out weren't the case). I'm fine with that. It is a movie. For those who thought it would turn people against Zuckerberg / Facebook, it didn't work on me. It made me wonder a little if he as Asperger's syndrome and think he's a genius / savant... but otherwise, I'd still totally be friends with the dude. (And I'm not just saying that in case he reads this. Oh, come on, you know he reads my blog!) The only part that felt a little off to me was Sean Parker (Justin Timberlake). I'm not overly familiar with his role in Facebook's history but his role in the movie seemed kind of forced and overdone. As far as the "business" side of the movie / "screwing over his friends"... to some extent, business is business. How many completely ethical businesses are out there? Yes, it would be ideal if everyone acted unselfishly and ethically, but that's not how it happens. People make regrettable choices. I'm not endorsing it, just saying that I'm sure a lot of large companies stepped on a few toes on their way up. This one just happened recently and publicly.

Bottom line: Fantastic movie. Relevant, awesomely written, well acted... overall, just  a really good movie about an idea that, as corny as it sounds, has changed the world. (No, I won't get on a soapbox about social media right now, but yeah, I'm a fan.) My husband just said tonight "Can we go see that movie again?" To me, that confirms what I was already thinking... that this movie deserves an A. Or, more appropriately: