Last week, Margaret and Louis were sent home. Though I'm wasn't at all surprised - and frankly, she was clearly outmatched by the other dancers - I will miss them. Mostly because I think Louis is awesome. But also because you could tell she was trying really hard, it just wasn't coming together for her. Live long and prosper, Margaret and Louis.
This week, was Acoustic Week in the new themed thing DWTS has going on. In addition to acoustic music, it was also "Dance in the round" week... with the stage transformed into a round, raised stage and the audience right at the edge. Somewhere along the line, it must have also been decided it was bow tie week. I didn't notice until a couple of people had danced, so I don't have an accurate count, but the vast majority of the men had bow ties this week. Oh, and it was also "complicated scoring" week. The competitors earned separate scores for technique and for performance. You know, like in ice skating. Mostly, it just seemed like a way to atone for Bruno being mean to Michael Bolton. "Well, your dance sucked but you smiled pretty... so, here are four points for your dance and eleventy performance points because we can justify keeping you around better this way." And finally, it was also "instant replay" week. Seriously, after their dance, Brooke would show the competitors a slow-motion replay of part of their dance and ask them to tell her what they were doing / thinking / feeling. Surprisingly, no one punched her.
Kurt Warner and Anna: They are dancing the rumba, which all of us who have ever watched before have been reminded over and over again is basically the dance version of s-e-x. Kurt mentions that this is hard for him because he's a Christian guy and he's married and this isn't the kind of dance he would normally do with anyone but his wife. Luckily, Anna is married too (to Jonathan Roberts, who has been one of the pros on DWTS many seasons) so they bring their spouses in and have a pow-wow about how it's not weird. And their performances ended up being not weird. Not great either. Kurt still looks really awkward in his hand / arm movements. But overall, pretty alright.
Reaction from the judges: Bruno said his hands still look like he's catching a football and that their dance looked like brother and sister and wasn't raunchy enough. Carrie Ann said she loved it and raunch didn't equal a good performance... but to work on his arms. Len said similar nice things.
Complicated ice skating score: 19 (performance) 15 (technical) Total: 34
**UPDATE: Well, I got the Bottom Two right... and, fortunately, The Situation and Karina went home. Yay! I get Mark for another week!!**Brandy and Maks: Oh boy. Again with the sexy rumba. Brandy says she can't feel sexy if she's not in love. Then she crosses the TMI line and says she hasn't been with anyone in 6 years. Then Maks takes her on a fake date to help her feel sexy. Only she criticized him for not "presenting" her with the flowers. And this point, I paused the TV and did a little Wikipedia'ing of ol' Brandy. Did you know that she married her baby's father - and after they split up, they announced they never actually got married. They just had a ceremony and made it look like they got married to perserve her public image. Classy. Then, she got in a relationship with a basketball player. She had his face tattooed on her shoulder. When they split up, she had it covered over with a cat. Classy. Raise your hand if you don't like Brandy!! Speaking of things I don't like, she wore one of those weird Edyta dresses for their performance. You know, the kind that is draped and looks covering but is actually only attached at one hip. And Maks? He wore his shirt completely unbuttoned. You know, because Rick Fox did last week and Maks can't let some old dude show him up in an ab contest. Let the Ab Off begin. Oh, their dance? It was fine.
Reaction from the judges: Bruno said it had a soft "swooality" (which I think was "sensuality"). Len said they had good technique and were hot and spicy. Carrie Ann said Brandy was fully committed but needed a bit more strength in her legs.
Complicated ice skating score: 26 (performance) 22 (technical) Total: 48
Rick Fox and Cheryl: This week, they have the Argentine Tango... which I have determined involves lifts and more flailing that the regular tango. Rick is worried about the lifts and afraid he'll fling Cheryl off into the audience. What he should be worried about is that thing on his face. He shaved his goatee (which didn't look great anyway) down to a mustache (which looked awful). And then a white tux. Ugh. It was like Gomez Addams and the butler from Mr. Deeds had a love child. Their dance, however, was better than their overall look. I thought it was a little choppy and his posture still isn't great, but it was a good dance.
Reaction from the judges: Len said the lifts were excellent but he lost energy as the dance went on. Carrie Ann said it was one-dimensional and not connected. Bruno said something about Clark Gable and something about Megatron.
Complicated ice skating score: 20 (performance) 19 (technical) Total: 39
Kyle Massey and Lacey: They have the rumba, which proves challenging because Kyle is 19 and I'm not sure anyone would describe him as "sexy". And, even if they would have, the fart noises he made throughout rehearsals would nip that in the bud. Their performance was pretty good. Kyle looked more polished than last week and you could tell he'd paid attention to his footwork more. Lacey, however, worse some ridiculous flesh colored body suit with vine / flower appliques all over it and a hot pink tu tu. Yikes. And they had to dance to some hip hoppy song done acoustically.
Reaction from the judges: Carrie Ann liked that it felt "younger" but said he can't only focus on his feet and lose track of his upper body. Len agreed but said the performance aspect was great. Bruno said something about "Am I going to get some? Am I not? Maybe? No?" and that it wasn't fluid.
Complicated ice skating score: 22 (performance) 18 (technical) Total: 40
The Situation and Karina: Um, did Karina really wear a shirt to rehearsal that said "Don't hate me because I'm an awesome dancer"? Oh boy. They have the Argentine Tango. Since Sitch can't dance, perhaps he should just throw Karina in the air a lot and call it a lift. For their performance, I actually wrote "Egads!" Yep, sometimes things are so bad you have to revert to the 17th century to find the right word. Egads, indeed. There was hardly any dancing on his part. Mostly, he threw her in the air a lot and then stood still while she flailed around him. And, of course, he had his shirt completely unbuttoned. Like he's going to pass up an Ab Off.
Reaction from the judges: Bruno said it was really, really, really, really, really terrible. Yes, five "reallys". Len said it was consistent... consistently bad throughout. Carrie Ann, on the other hand, said she could see improvement and, on behalf of all the ladies, want to welcome his abs to the show... finally. I wish she hadn't spoken on my behalf. I don't wish to welcome his abs anywhere. In fact, I'd prefer to keep my distance from them. I mean, you can't spell "Sitch" without "itch". Just sayin'.
Complicated ice skating score: 16 (performance) 12 (technical) Total: 28
Florence Henderson and Corky: Oh, like the dance decider people weren't going to give them the rumba. Come on. Of course they want to see Mrs. Brady bump and grind with Mark Ballas' dad. Who doesn't. ME! I don't. That's who. Nevertheless, Corky wants to make it as sexy as possible without being inappropriate. So they bring in Mark and Florence's daughter to hold up signs saying if a certain move is appropriate or not appropriate. Then, the last clip was them holding up a lone sign covering the R-rated bits of what appeared to be an otherwise-naked Corky. Eew. Oh, the performance. Creeptastic. Who wants to watch old people dry hump one another on national television?
Reaction from the judges: Carrie Ann asked what just happened. "You're Mrs. Brady!" and said they took it too far. Bruno said it was scary and saucy and capricious and dramatic. And, in answer to my question about who wants to watch the elderly gyrate seductively, the answer is Len. Of course. He said it was better than expected.
Complicated ice skating score: 18 (performance) 17 (technical) Total: 35
Jennifer Grey and Derek: This week, in "No one puts Baby in the nursing home", they have the Argentine Tango. The lifts are hurting Jen's back. The steps are hurting her foot. Really? I kind of think she's experiencing a normal amount of discomfort for what she's putting her body through and the producers are telling her to really oversell it so she will look like this doesn't come completely naturally to her. Because their performance was awesome. I wrote down that it was crisp and good and very lifty. Lifty being a good thing, in this case.
Reaction from the judges: Len said it had excellent technique and was magnificent. Bruno said it was a prime time delight and was intricate and incredible. Carrie Ann said it was A. Ma. Zing!!
Complicated ice skating score: 29... which included the first two 10s of the season (performance) 27 (technical) Total: 56
Bristol Palin and Mark: Tom the host said last week Len called them "too contemporary" but not to worry because he thinks "contemporary" is anything after England lost the Colonies. It made me laugh. Bristol and Mark also have the rumba. Mark cracked me up by pointing to different areas of his body and saying "Sensual, sensual, sensual" (thigh, torso, etc.) "trashy, trashy, trashy" (chesticles, butt, crotchal area). I love Mark. Please don't forget my goal of becoming marginally famous so I can be his dance partner on the show. Be thinking of ways to help me accomplish this. Oh,we also see the first clip of Bristol the Mom feeding her son and showing him their dance. Their performance featured her in a weird belted men's-style dress shirt with a sequined leotard. The dance was better. I thought she did alright technically but still needs work with the performance. Then Mark took off his shirt and danced the remainder of the time shirtless, so I don't really know what happened after that. Swoon.
Reaction from the judges: Well, if the rumba is about s-e-x. Mission accomplished. Mark and Bristol got screwed. They criticized Mark for taking his shirt off (because "off" is so different than totally unbuttoned?) and Bristol for not making an effort to perform in front of 200 million people. (PS: Carrie Ann, I think you are overestimating your viewership by a factor of 10. Try 21 million viewers.)
Complicated ice skating score: 14 (performance) 18 (technical) Total: 32
Audrina and Tony: Audrina opens by saying she can't believe 5 years ago she was a receptionist and now she's the front runner on DWTS. Luckily, she's not the front runner. Jennifer Grey is. Jennifer just made an obvious error last week that cost her the top spot. But anyway, the Argentine Tango. Tony tells her to make a more serious face. She says she doesn't want to squint because she will get wrinkles. Am I going to get wrinkles from the massive eye roll I gave her? Their performance was definitely still above-average but not as good as last week. I saw a few missteps and thought it had more stunts than dancing.
Reaction from the judges: Carrie Ann said there were some nuances missing, like extending her foot more. Bruno said she had a bit of an Ice Queen thing going on but technically it wasn't bad at all. Len said it was clever and clean but didn't transport him to a seedy Buenos Aires club. Tony pointed out they were given a very non-traditional song. (Speaking of, my cousin Dena and I have a conspiracy theory about the music. Since the dancers don't choose it, it's kind of easy to sway things one way or another by giving a team a perfect song or a totally out there song. We think they should get to pick from two or three songs each week.)
Complicated ice skating score: 22 (performance) 24 (technical) Total: 46
Speaking of things Dena and I wish could happen, we wish voting was for who you wanted off the show instead of who you want to keep on. You know, so we can vote for Brandy. Obviously she'll keep getting good scores and probably has an okay-sized fan base. But, we really wish she would leave. Who would have thought I would dislike someone more than I dislike The Situation?! That being said, I think it's fair that Sitch go home. However, I'm figuring it won't play out that way and I'll be left Mark-less.
