I Resolve... sort of...

A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

~Author Unknown

If you ask me, New Year's Resolutions are sort of like throwing the salt you spilled over your shoulder. You can do it if it makes you feel better... but it's probably not going to help that much.

As you may have noticed, I'm not big on pointless traditions. Pointless activities (i.e. watching hours of reality TV), yes. But rituals just for ritual's sake, not so much. I lump New Year's Resolutions in with this category. Why? Because I fail to see anything magical about January 1st. I mean, sure, I get the whole "start of a new year, clean slate" thing, but I concluded a long time ago that resolving to do something actually makes me less likely to do it. Plus, January? I'm less likely to do much of anything in January. It's cold and gloomy. I'm broke from Christmas. I'm busy plotting what I'll do with my tax refund (Wizarding World, anyone?) It's just not a good time to rock the boat. Maybe we should flip-flop spring cleaning with resolution making. I'd rather clean my closet when it's too yucky outside to do anything else. And I might be in a more changeable place in the spring. Hmmm...

However, since I find myself being a spoil-sport about a great many things, I've decided to play along and make some resolutions. But am I going to do this in a traditional way? Yeah right. Instead, I've made a list of what I should resolve... and then countered it with a goal I feel like I can actually accomplish.

So, that's what I'll be focusing on in the upcoming year. Or should I say, the first two weeks of the year and then I'll forget about it until next year. You know, like all those people who will be at the gym between now and Martin Luther King Day and then won't show up again until fall when they have a high school reunion to attend.

In all seriousness, I do actually need to accomplish several of the things on that list. Not because the new year told me to but just because they are having been hanging over my head long enough to have gotten on my nerves.

First and foremost, I do need to be healthier. If I lose weight in the process, that would be great. Mainly, I just need to make a lot better choices with what I eat. (I'm in the process of trying to like vegetables! That's a big deal for me.) And I need to exercise. Unless hiking up my parents' driveway counts, I haven't exercised in months. I hate exercise. I never get to that "If I don't do it, I miss it" point. It's miserable every single time I have to do it... but, it needs to be done. My blood pressure is creeping up. I get winded when I do finally summit my parents' driveway. I'm 30 and have an underlying medical condition. I have a job where I sit at a computer all day. Then I come home and sit on the couch all night. If I don't make some changes soon, I'm going to end up on some sort of TLC special.

Next, the house does need a serious decluttering, followed by a lot more routine upkeep. I can only pin about 20% of the blame on David. 60% is my fault. The remaining 20% is just life in general. I've written about my neat freak to total slob transformation before. I've got to kick it back into gear. Hopefully the coming year will bring less traveling for work. And, I'm told if I actually did exercise, I might have a little more energy for things like keeping the house in decent shape. Plus, David has been a complete champ this year and taken on the majority of the chores while I've been criss-crossing the country. Eventually, he'll reach a breaking point. Who wouldn't? I'd really rather my "don't punch anyone" resolution not be tested.

So, if I can gain any sort of control over these two areas, I'll consider my "resolutions" a success. Although learning ventriloquism would be pretty cool...

What about you? Do you make resolutions? Do you have any luck keeping them?

***UPDATE: Kasey @ Thrifty Little Blog had a FABULOUS post today about a New Year's Resolution she kept... I love the idea!! THIS I might actually have a shot at keeping! ***

Movie Review Monday: He's Just Not That Into You

If you ask me, He's Just Not That Into You is almost as hard to describe as my crush on Bradley Cooper. Both are kind of douchey, but I like them anyway. Well, can a movie be douchey? Maybe not. And, to be fair, I don't know if Bradley Cooper is douchey. Perhaps he just prefers characters who are.

Anyway, I saw this movie in the theater and then caught it on HBO again this weekend. As it was Christmas and as it was raining a good majority of the time, I didn't venture out to the Redbox for something new. I also didn't watch Paper Heart, despite it coming on my Netflix. It's on Blu-ray and I still haven't bought a PS3 remote, so my Blu-ray experience is annoying. (Well, actually, I did buy a PS3 remote, but it was a gift for my brother-in-law.) So, He's Just Not That Into You, it is...

Like I said, this movie is hard to describe. It's all very woven together... every character's life is somehow connected to another character that they don't know. The three main characters are co-workers and the rest of the characters branch out from there. There's Gigi (Ginnifer Goodwin), who is the hopeless romantic and always getting her heart broken. I suppose she's the main character, although it's hard to say with such a big ensemble cast. Then there's Beth (Jennifer Aniston), who has been in a pretty stable relationship with Neil (Ben Affleck) for 7 years but he refuses to marry her. Next is Janine (Jennifer Connelly). She is married to Ben (Bradley Cooper). They seem like a pretty good couple... until he cheats on her.

This is where is starts to get confusing (to describe, not confusing when you watch it). His mistress, Anna, is the on-again, off-again girlfriend of Connor (Kevin Connolly - "E" on Entourage). Conor was Ben and Janine's Realtor. He also recently went on date with Gigi. Of course, Ben doesn't know any of these connections. Also, Anna has a friend Mary (Drew Barrymore) who sold Conor an ad in a newspaper. Oh, and Gigi? Well, when Conor doesn't call her after their date, she stalks him at this bar where he said he hangs out. That's where she meets his friend Alex. Alex is the one who frames up the movie with his "he's not into you" lessons.

He starts giving Gigi advice from a guy's perspective. Like, if he doesn't call, it's because he doesn't want to call. If he says he's going out of town and will be out of touch, he's blowing you off. Etc, etc. Gigi shares this advice with Janine and Beth, who start to realize that maybe their lives aren't so perfect either. Of course, chaos ensues.

Despite having seen the movie twice now, I still can't get a firm grasp on how I feel about it. On one hand, it's not wrong. I spent a lot of years as "one of the guys" and I've seen the blow-offs and behind the scenes conversations first hand. Now older and a little more girly, I look back and think it was kind of douchey. Why not just tell a girl if you like her or not? This isn't kindergarten. But, on the other hand, a lot of girls do over-analyze every word a guy says and can get all emotional about things. At one point in the movie, Alex says that girls just love drama. My gut reaction is "Whatever! I hate drama!" and, as a "grown up", I really do. But, in my teens and early 20s, yeah, I guess I liked the drama. What? I was broke. It was cheap entertainment. Dena and I spent many an evening going word-by-word over a conversation we'd had with whatever guy happened to be our flavor of the week. No matter what he did or did not say, we were sure we knew the "hidden meaning." It was like our own little soap opera.

So, do I dislike the movie because it's a sweeping generalization that comes off making girls look clueless and needy? Or, do I have to give it some credit for just being a slightly Hollywood-ized version of reality? For those same reasons, I can't really give it a grade. I'd say it's somewhere between an A- and a C+. However, I definitely think it's worth watching. Just don't go into it thinking it's going to be a super-sweet romantic comedy. There are funny parts, there are romantic parts, there are sad parts, there are annoying parts... and I think each of those parts will hit everyone differently, depending on your experiences. Either way, I felt like it gives some good things to think about...

For me, it makes me think about my aforementioned crush on Bradley Cooper. Again, something else I can't pin down. Sometimes I think he's a A, sometimes I think he's a C. I hated him in Wedding Crashers. Partly because I was supposed to... and partly because I didn't like his hair. I'm not sure when I started loving him... maybe Failure to Launch? Either way, I think he's on my "list". He is in the #5 position, which in constantly in flux. David describes him and the other guys on my list as "preppy d-bags pretty-boys" and wonders how I ended up with him instead of someone more "my type". And, you know, I want to argue, but I can't. (About the description of "my type", not why I ended up with David... I think he's just as pretty, but in a more ruggedly handsome way than a preppy way, and he's way nice. In my experience, d-bags are nice to look at but usually need to be punched in the face.) Anyway... Bradley Cooper. Yum. He's Just Not That Into You... not "yum", but still decent.

Maybe next week I'll have Avatar to review. Not my usual genre of movie but it looks really intriguing. I wanted to see it this weekend but David wasn't in the mood for a nearly three hour movie. Interesting. Usually I'm the one saying that.

Finally, I hope everyone had a good Christmas. Despite my aversion to major holidays, it was a pretty good time and I scored some cool stuff. I'll probably post something about Christmas soon... or it will be like Christmas cards and I just won't get around to it. We shall see...

Festivus... a holiday for the rest of us!

If you ask me, Festivus is the best December holiday out there! It's also completely made up. That makes it even better. Finally, a holiday that admits it has no basis in reality!! Are you listening, Valentine's Day?

If you never watched Seinfeld, you might not understand Festivus. Just like I might not understand why you've never watched Seinfeld. The clip below will explain it much better but basically George's family celebrates a holiday created by his father. His father was upset with how commercialized Christmas had become and wanted something for "the rest of us". Thus, Festivus was born. Later, George makes up a fake charity, The Human Fund, for his company to donate to. His boss becomes suspicious and then George says the boss is discriminating against him because he doesn't celebrate Christmas. He then has to take the boss to the Festivus celebration to prove it exists.

There are no elaborate decorations, just an aluminum pole. Mr. Costanza found tinsel "too distracting". Then the Festivus celebration begins with the Airing of the Grievances. You tell people how they have wronged you in the past year. Now, that is a holiday tradition I can embrace.

I know what you're probably thinking that I spend all year airing my grievances on my blog, Facebook, Twitter, in person... how many more grievances could I possibly have? Oh, you'd be surprised! So, I will now air some grievances towards my fellow bloggers.

• Kelli: David now uses the lesbian lap dance story at every possible opportunity. Also, you told me about Vanness and now I will never have spare money again.
• Dessie: I now have more clothes than will fit in my dresser. You have forced me to clean my closet.
• Liz: I am now obsessed with finding things I can paint Woodlawn Charm. And for making me drool over things I never thought I'd like but now wonder how I am living without.
• LindsB: For having access to fabulous peacock feathers when I was unable to find any! And for general design fabulousity that makes me jealous.
• Carlisle Boy: I am now convinced I should move to Alaska even though I'm sure I'm way too much of a weenie! I blame you for this.
• Kasey: For being so thrifty and reminding me what a horrible money-waster I am!
• Any of you who are reading this but never leave comments: Just say "hi" every now and then so I'll know you're out there.

Now that the grievances have been aired, the celebration moves to Feats of Strength. At this point, a wrestling match occurs. When the head of the household has been pinned, the celebration ends. I can't exactly figure out how to wrestle on a blog. So, let's just say I won.

So there you have it, my December holiday. For any fellow celebrants, Happy Festivus. For those of you who think we're crazy, make your own list of grievances! Oh, and Happy More Traditional Holidays to you as well. :-)

Wish me luck...

If you ask me, no good can come from going shopping on December 22nd. Granted, it's better than December 24th, but still. Oh, and it's raining. Oh, and tomorrow's forecast calls for lots of rain and possibly severe thunderstorms. So, it's safe to say that everyone in town who hasn't finished shopping yet will be joining me. Awesome.

So far, I've managed to resist my Bah-Humbug post about why I don't like Christmas. Suffice it to say that shopping is high on that list. I guess that's why I've put it off. Not all of it... but enough of it.

Did I mention that I hate crowds? I have a touch of claustrophobia. I also have a low tolerance for moronic behavior. Holiday shopping is ripe with both.

So, I'm about to head out to join the fury of last-minute shoppers. Wish me luck. As I posted a few minutes ago on Facebook, if you haven't heard from me by midnight, assume the worst!

By the time I'm done tonight, I am sure I will have learned a valuable lesson about holiday shopping. No... not "start earlier". I was thinking something more like "Next year for Christmas, you're getting a hug."

On a brighter note, today is Festivus Eve. Festi-what? Festivus! More on that tomorrow... if I make it through tonight's adventure in one piece!

Movie Review Monday: 5 reviews for the price of 1

If you ask me, my movie addiction reached a new high (or low, depending on how you look at it) this week! Thanks a lot, Redbox! Well, it wasn't just Redbox. It was also Netflix. And the theater. And the theater again. So, today's movie review will be in more of a "lightning round" format. I love lightning rounds. (Yes, another Friends reference.) Okay, okay, I doubt I can keep it brief... so just read really fast and that will give it a lightning round feel. Aaaaand.... GO!

The Princess and The Frog: Earlier in the week, I volunteered to keep my 4 year old cousin, BB, on Friday. I know, "volunteered" and "4 year old" aren't words I normally use in the same sentence. In fact, I joked that I was trying to prove a point that spending that much time with a child would cause me to have a nervous breakdown and David would suspend the "kids" talk. (It backfired - everything went fine and he has increased the "kid" talk. That's a whole different blog.) Anyway, my real motive in keeping her Friday was that I wanted to see The Princess and The Frog. Taking a child with me makes me look cool, not like the potentially crazy 30 year old sitting alone in a children's movie. So, after much consideration, BB decided to wear her white princess outfit (yes, she has about 10 princess outfits) and off we went.

The movie is set in New Orleans, so it is very colorful and has lots of fun, jazzy, Cajun-ish music. It's about a young girl, Tiana, who dreams of opening a restaurant but can't afford it, despite working all the time. A very wealthy childhood friend hires Tiana to make dessert at a huge party the family is having to welcome a visiting prince. Of course all the ladies are expecting the rich prince to sweep them off their feet. They don't know he's been cut off from his family's riches or that he's made a deal with a voo-doo doctor. Long story short, he turns into a frog. He convinces Tiana to kiss him so he can turn back into a prince. So she does... except she turns into a frog. Most of the movie is spent in frog form as the two travel through the bayou looking for an even better voo-doo doctor who can make them human again.

I thought the movie was fantastic. I like Disney movies an average amount, but I loved this one. I think I've added it to my top three... after Beauty and the Beast and The Little Mermaid. I recommend you borrow a kid (or bring your own, I guess) and go see it. I give it an A.

Did You Hear About The Morgans: Next up, my sweet Dessie friend finally made it into town for a visit on Saturday. I haven't seen her in forever. We both love Hugh Grant, so we decided to go see his new movie. Plus, both of our husbands think Sarah Jessica Parker sucks um, looks like a horse isn't that great, so it seemed perfect to go see it without them. The summary of the movie is that Hugh and SJP are high-falootin' New Yorkers witness a professional hit. The murderer gets a clear look at them and immediately makes plans to kill them too. They have to go into Witness Protection. Of course, they aren't going to be relocated from Manhattan to Brooklyn... nope, Wyoming. Obviously that's not going to go well. Oh, and did I mention SJP and Hugh are in the process of a divorce?

The movie was pretty much exactly what I had hoped it would be. It was cute. It was fairly predictable and a little dorky in a signature Hugh Grant kind of way. I'm glad I got to see it with Dessie since she and I find the same sorts of things funny (like Hugh pronouncing "Applebee's" as "AaahhppleBEES") but I'm sure most people will be content to catch it on DVD. It's would be a good way to pass a boring evening. Nothing revolutionary or earth-shattering but definitely funny and worth watching. I give it a B- because I feel like I've already seen movies like it before... good but not overly original.

17 Again: Speaking of not overly original... 17 Again is basically a male version of Freaky Friday. I got it out of Redbox. I figured I'd like it $1. Plus, it has Chandler. Yes, I know his name is Matthew Perry and that Friends ended almost 5 years ago. Whatever, he's Chandler. It also has Zac Efron. Apparently that's a big deal if you actually are 17. Me... not so much. He's cute enough, I suppose, but his hair is weird and he wears skinny jeans. If I'm going to have celebrity crushes on people who are entirely too young for me, I'll stick to Taylor Lautner (but not until February when he's old enough to vote.)

Anyway, Chandler plays a 40-ish dad who lives in the past. He got married and had a family very young and he's always felt like he missed out. He spends so much time pouting about the past that his wife can't deal with him and kicks him out. He goes to stay with his friend, Lt. Dangle from Reno 911. One day, whilst pouting, he meets a spirit guide who restores him back to his 17 year old self. After a hilarious fight when Lt. Dangle doesn't believe his eye, he agrees to pretend he's Chandler's dad and enroll him in high school. Chandler then attempts to relive his glory days but actually ends up finding out a lot of disturbing info about his own children. The story then revolves around what mistakes he's actually suppose to fix.

Now, at the risk of losing any coolness points I may have had, I actually really liked this movie. Not in a "The Oscar goes to..." kind of way, but just in a funny, cheesy, way. While the storyline wasn't hard to figure out, the comedy was pretty good. I actually laughed so loud at one point that I scared Bruiser. Fine, I'm a dork. Either way, I give it an A-.

Spread: Another Redbox find. I love Ashton Kutcher. I follow him on Twitter. What's up @aplusk?! (Yeah, he reads my blog.) Anyway, he did a lot of tweeting about this movie but still couldn't get it into wide release. It played for a few weeks in the major cities but then fizzled out. In my effort to find "off the beaten path" movies, I thought I'd give it a try. After all, it sounded sort of Entourage-ish. Good looking model-type, living the Hollywood high life.

Okay, it was nothing like Entourage. It was basically a porno featuring Ashton Kutcher and Anne Heche doing it in every position imaginable on every surface of her house. Or, at least that's what the first 15 minutes were. I don't know what happened after that because I turned it off. Maybe there was a plot, but I doubt it. Maybe there were life lessons or something, but I doubt it. Maybe Ashton Kutcher should stick to making funny, cutesy movies with Cameron Diaz or looking super hot in The Guardian. I'm not giving it a grade... unless NC-17 counts.

Big Stan: This movie came out a while back but it just got to the top of my Netflix queue. I watched it for five reasons. 1) Dessie said it was funny. 2) Rob Schneider cracks me up. 3) Jackson Rathbone was in it. 4) It had Jackson Rathbone. 5.) Did I mention Jackson Rathbone?

Basically Rob Schneider's character, Stan, gets convicted of fraud and has to go to jail. He gets his sentence suspended for 6 months to get his affairs in order. Instead, he uses that time to undergo intense training in martial arts and various other arts of war, all in an effort to avoid becoming anyone's "girlfriend" while in prison. On his first day behind bars, he beats up half the prison and establishes himself as a BAMF. No one messes with him. Then he tells them not to mess with each other. The warden has other intentions and wants to inmates fighting constantly so the prison will get shut down and he can turn it into a time-share development. (Oh yeah, that's what Stan did before he got locked up.) The warden offers him a deal of early release if he can get them all fighting again. Oh no, an ethical dilemma... he's made friends with these guys now that none of them are violating his hiney. But, he would really rather just not be in jail. What to do, what to do?

Basically your typical Rob Schneider movie with crazy antics done in a fairly gross and potty-mouth kind of way. But, the kind of movie you can convince your husband to watch without the whole "chick flick" debate. Plus, it has Jackson Rathbone. I would give the movie a C, because it's average... but it has Jackson Rathbone and today is his birthday, so that boosts it to a B-.

So, there you have it... my movie-filled week. We also watched The Hangover again... but it deserves much more than just a couple of paragraphs is in already-overflowing post. Maybe next week... or maybe not at all. I'm not sure I could do it justice. I'm also not sure I could type amongst the fits of laughter I would have trying to recount various aspects of the movie. And, if someone dared to disagree with me about it, I'm not sure I could keep from locking a tiger in their bathroom.

Aaa-choooo... and other such ailments

If you ask me, one of the most cliche things out there is saying "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired". (And by "out there", I primarily mean Facebook statuses.) So, I was very careful to word my message differently, though the intent is the same.

Yes, I'm sick again. Or still. It's hard to tell. It's all starting to blur together, sort of like the Chicago suburbs. I can't tell which one is which.

The week before Thanksgiving, I came down with a sinus infection. No big deal. I get them all the time. I went and got my antibiotics and my steroid shot like a good girl. Normally I'd feel better within a few days. However, as of Thanksgiving, I was up all night coughing. I returned to the doctor the following Monday and she said she was seeing a lot of coughs following sinus infections and that I shouldn't be alarmed if the cough lasted 2+ weeks. Call her if it got worse, but as long as it was the same or improving, just wait it out. So I waited... and waited...

The cough was definitely improving. By this week, it was almost gone. 'Almost' being the operative word. I was still coughing some (mostly at night) but much better. In fact, Monday and Tuesday of this week, I actually felt decent. Yesterday, I venture to say that I felt good. Until mid-afternoon.

During my afternoon training session (last one, by the way! Can I get an Amen?!?!?!) I heard my voice getting scratchier and scratchier. What? This is not good!

By evening, I was sneezing and stuffed up. I found myself back in the pharmacy aisle at Fred's. I swear I have the entire layout of the aisle memorized at this point. Given that I take immunosuppressant drugs on a daily basis, I guess I shouldn't be too surprised when my immune system acts as if it is suppressed and allows me to catch a variety of illnesses. Still, it's annoying.

This morning, I debated going back to the doctor. However, I Googled to confirm what I was already thinking; all my symptoms seem more like a cold than another sinus infection or something more sinister, like the flu. So, I've decided to just pile on the Dayquil, Airborne and plenty of water and see what happens. There's an after-hours and weekend clinic "in town", so at least I have that option if things take a turn for the the worst.

Mostly, I'm just whining. When you're sick, you get to whine, right? My husband sure thinks so. :-) But, I'm trying to stay positive. The good news is that I have plenty of sexy phlegm I think I could use to launch my music career. (Of course that's a Friends reference.)

**Update: I'm going to the doctor at 2:15, per my mother's request. It's easier than arguing with her. Do you think my compliance can count as her Christmas present? I haven't gotten her anything else yet. **

iPhone Irony

If you ask me, irony is the reason I get out of bed some mornings. Seriously. I love it. Something happened today that earned itself a place in on my top ironic moments ever.


Before you ask, yes, I know there is a whole debate about what is ironic versus what is coincidence and how most people (ahem, Alanis Morrisette) grossly mislabel things as ironic when they actually aren't. For once in my life, I take the less-grammatical approach of "Who cares!?" Maybe how much I care about grammar and don't care about properly using "irony" is ironic. Ha, see what I did there?


Anyway, I have an iPhone. It's the original 2G. Yes, people still use those. I love it. It's an endangered species... like polar bears. I also love polar bears. I've even included a picture below in case you've never seen one in person. (The phone, not a polar bear. You're on your own there.)

For months (read: since the fabulous 3Gs came out), I've been talking about upgrading my relic. It's served me well. I adore it. But, it's time to move on. However, things like root canals derailed my plans, so my old friend and I are still together. Things have been beginning to go downhill, but that's to be expected with an older phone. Dog years are nothing compared to phone years! My phone is practically old enough to drive!


Today, I dropped it. Again. The top half of the touch screen wouldn't work. GASP!! My Scrabble app is on the top half! Double gasp!!!


It's Christmas (grrr!), I can't justify buying a new iPhone right now... not when I haven't even finished buying gifts yet!! Fortunately, I remembered that I still had a month or two left on the Apple Care Plan extended warranty thingy that I bought with the phone.


I went online to see what I needed to do next. I filled out their support request form. I even selected the problem as "Touch screen not responding". I submitted the form and was told an Apple representative would call me shortly. My phone began ringing immediately. In a split second, I was so thrilled with their customer service. I even let myself think maybe they would say "Your phone is hopeless. We don't keep that one in stock anymore. Could we send you a 3Gs instead?"


My dreams were interrupted by an automated voice.




This is Apple calling to respond to your support request. To be connected to a representative, please press 1.




Irony. I love it.



I resubmitted the form online with my work number. When I was able to press 1 for a rep, I told him about the fatal flaw in their "Press 1" system. As the pioneer in the touch screen phone world, you'd think they would have planned for this situation. It's probably the one time I would have liked the annoying "Speak or say 1" option. The rep and I enjoyed a hearty laugh. I sense he is a fellow lover of the ironic.

Movie Review Monday: The Accidental Husband

If you ask me, Redbox and I are about to become very good friends! Yes, I just used Redbox for the first time this week. It's located outside the McDonald's across the street from my office. I've stared at it for a year now and never used it. After all, I'm a huge fan of Netflix. I pick out what I want online (sometimes even months before it is released) and then it gets delivered to my mailbox. What could be better than that? Except that I am really bad at picking things out ahead of time.

This has always been a problem for me. I could never lay my clothes out the night before because I would change my mind overnight. Same with packing my lunch the night before. (Maybe this is why I am always running late. Hmm.) While I like plans and organization, I often put off specifics. I like to know that I'm going out to dinner on Friday, but I don't want to pick where until we are getting in the car. So, you can see the problem with Netflix. While it's nice to be "in queue" for a movie I know will have a waiting list, what if I get the movie in the mail and I'm not in the mood for it right then? So, it sits on the entertainment center until the mood strikes me.

Furthermore, when David and I signed up for Netflix in November of '04 (yes, I checked), we agreed that we would not make additional trips to the video store. We've actually followed that rule quite well. I bet we've been to the video store less than 5 times. However, Redbox only costs $1. ONE DOLLAR. If I rented 2 movies a week, I'd still be spending significantly less per month than I spend on Starbucks. And I highly doubt I'll rent 2 movies a week. However, I just feel better with options. I can have peace of mind knowing my "must-see" movies are coming via Netflix and I can use Redbox for my spur of the moment choices. (Very spur of the moment since there is no way to predict what movies will be in the box at the time.) Now, who do I speak with about getting Redbox to vend lattes along with DVDs?

Okay, so onto the movie. The Accidental Husband. I remember seeing a couple of previews for this movie, but then not hearing of it again. (Turns out the distributor went bankrupt and the movie went straight to DVD.) As I love Colin Firth and Jeffery Dean Morgan, I decided to make this my inaugural Redbox rental, Uma Thurman notwithstanding. (I don't dislike her... she just creeps me out sometimes. Not all the time. I can't explain it.)

Uma Thurman plays a relationship expert / radio host named Emma. She is the really prissy, perfect, Stepford wife with a PhD type. She is engaged to Colin Firth's character, Richard. He's equally prissy and Stepford-ish. The story begins with her giving advice to a caller that leads the caller to cancel her wedding. Of course, the fiance, Patrick, (Jeffery Dean Morgan) happens to hear her call the show. When his wedding is cancelled, he realizes that it was Emma's advice that ruined his life. He decides he needs to get back at Emma somehow. Fortunately, his teenage computer whiz friend has a plan. They hack into Vital Records and list Emma as married to Patrick. Emma finds this out when she and Richard go to get their marriage license and, lo and behold, she's already married. Then, as I like to say in all romantic comedy reviews, chaos ensues.

As you would expect, Emma's efforts to get the marriage annulled make her question her relationship with Richard. Then there is the requisite part where she finds out what Patrick did and she never wants to see him again. Then there is the happy ending. I'm not going to tell you whether she picks Patrick or Richard or no one... just that I absolutely adored her wedding dress!!! If I were getting married right now, that's the dress I'd want. I'd need to lose half my body mass, but whatever. Good thing I'm not getting married right now. (I would love to have another wedding, by the way... still to David, of course... I just love weddings!)

Overall, it was a cute movie. Basically your typical chick-flick. However, David watched it with me and laughed at several parts. I don't think there were any major surprises, so I'm going to take off a few points for lack of creativity. Other than that, I'd recommend it... especially for $1 out of the Redbox. I give it a B+ (I probably would have given it a B, but I liked Uma Thurman in this one, so I gave it the extra nudge up with the "plus".)

Also, I'd just like to say that this is my last week of our company-wide training frenzy. In fact, I'm actually in my office two whole days this week! I'm so glad. Granted this is just training. We'll see how things go after the first of the year when all the plans are implemented. Yet I'm just so glad to almost be done training that I am going to not think about the first of the year! It's been a hectic, well, 12 months, but especially the last 2 or 3 months. I prefer routines. I haven't been able to have one lately and that stresses me out. There are actually other things going on in my life and I haven't had the time or energy to blog about them. I haven't had the time or energy to Christmas shop. I haven't had the time or energy to keep my house looking like it is inhabited by humans and not barnyard animals (fortunately, thanks to my wonderful husband, it usually looks like domesticated animals live there and only ventures to barnyard now and then). I'm just ready for things to settle down! And, when they do, you'll probably find me standing outside the Redbox seeing what's in stock. I'll be the one wearing the funny mask in order to resist the lure of the french fry aroma!

Movie Review Monday: Nights in Rodanthe / WHAT is wrong with Nicholas Sparks?!

If you ask me why I'm just now watching a movie that came out a year ago, it's because that's how long it took me to convince myself to watch it. That should have been my first indication. Then the fact that, after being buried on my Netflix queue forever, the movie arrived and I let it sit on the entertainment center for over a month should have been my next indication. The words "Nicholas Sparks" should have been my final indication. Apparently I'm a slow learner.

As a general rule, I do not watch any movies based on books by Nicholas Sparks. My sister does. Then she cries and cries and cries. Then she says how wonderful they are and watches them again. I think she is on her third copy of The Notebook. The other two probably quit playing after the salt from her tears corroded them. She once forced me into watching a few minutes of A Walk To Remember... right about the time Mandy Moore gets married and promptly drops dead. I don't get it. Why would I watch a movie that reduced me to a blubbering heap? I remember once I was home sick and watched Ladder 49. That was a mistake. I'm pretty much not a crier. Yet, I bawled like a baby. I also screamed "What a stupid movie!! What evil screenwriter thought that would be okay!?" Clearly that guy and Nicholas Sparks are friends. Bottom line: I do not watch sad movies.

So, why did I watch Nights in Rodanthe? Well, the tag line said "It's never too late for a second chance". I guess that lured me into a false sense of security. If it's a "second chance", it will be okay. Perhaps the tragedy will occur early on and the rest of the movie will be Diane Lane and Richard Gere frolicking on a beach. Also, I thought "Rodanthe" was a fun-sounding word.

In case you haven't seen it, I'll give you a rundown... but consider this your spoiler alert. Basically, Diane Lane (Adrianne) is separated from her cheating, douchebag husband. They have two kids. The boy is 10-ish and nice. The girl is 16-ish and all "I hate the world. I hate my mom. Divorce sucks. It's all mom's fault." She also has a best friend named Jean. Jean runs a bed and breakfast in Rodanthe, this little barrier island in North Carolina. Jean wants to go away for the weekend so Adrianne decides to watch the B&B for her. Shouldn't be hard - there's only one guest booked that weekend anyway. Oh, and on her way out of town, the douchey husband tells her he wants her back. She tells him she needs the weekend to think about it and she heads off to Rodanthe, directly in the path of a hurricane. Makes sense, right? So good, get the death and destruction over with early on.

No such luck. Adrianne gets there and gets the only guest, Richard Gere (Paul) checked in. He's a big shot plastic surgeon who has come to the island to make peace with the family of a patient who died on the table. Oh, maybe that's the tragedy. No. Paul and Adrienne become friends. Then, of course, they sort of get crushes on each other. It's like summer camp - you have to like someone. Before long, they get mad at each other. Then the hurricane comes ashore and wreaks havoc on the inn. Windows are breaking, furniture is falling, etc. They do what anyone would do in that situation. Make out. Thus begins their happy love affair.

After the storm passes, Paul is headed to South America to check on his son Mark (played by James Franco. Yum). Mark is also a doctor but he works with the less-fortunate instead of high-falootin' plastic surgery types. Mark hates Paul because Paul only cared about his career and not being a dad. Paul wants to make amends. He is sad he has to leave his camp girlfriend, but he promises to write every day. And he does.

By this point, the movie was nearly over and I began thinking that maybe it would just be a happy ending. They write all these letters and make all these plans. Everyone notices how happy Adrianne is lately. Life is good. She sends the kids off to Daddy and prepares a nice meal for Paul, who is arriving back from South America. Paul doesn't show up. Oh crap. The next day, Mark shows up. Yeah, Mark. The son. He has a box with him. That's not a good sign.

Long story short: Paul was killed in a mudslide. Are you freaking kidding me? A mudslide? What, Nick, a plane crash would have been too cliche for you?

Adrianne pulls a Bella-when-Edward-leaves and practically goes catatonic. Finally, her daughter comes around and stops hating her and asks her all about Paul. Then she starts to heal. She and the kids go to Rodanthe to visit Aunt Jean. Adrianne stands at the edge of the dock and pulls a Leo DiCaprio-Titanic-King of the World thing. I don't know why. Then she goes for a walk on the beach and some wild horses run by. I don't know why. The end.

I'm still not sure what her second chance was. A second change to have her heart broken? A second chance to see wild horses? Who knows. Furthermore, I am not sure what is wrong with Nicholas Sparks. So, I Wikipedia'ed him. Surely something must explain his desire to turn the hearts of innocent readers / viewers into shrapnel.

All I could find was that his sister died at 34. That actually is very sad and I'm sorry for his loss. Yet, I don't that it's enough to explain a propensity for gut-wrenching agony. Other than that, he moved around a lot and he went to Notre Dame. I mean, I know we've had a few rough football seasons, but still...

My only saving grace was that I knew I was watching a Nicholas Sparks movie so I never let my guard down. I even told Dena prior to watching it that this was not likely to go well. No, I didn't cry. It was too predictable. If nothing else, at least it confirms that all Nicholas Sparks films are created for the sole purpose of tear shedding. (Although who can blame him? As long as the "my sisters" of the world keep lapping it up, why not?) Furthermore, I am not giving the film a grade. I spent too much time waiting on the proverbial other shoe to drop to actually notice anything about the film itself. I will, however, give the film an A for Cautionary Tales. I was just about to get interested in Dear John (probably just because of Channing Tatum) but now I am 100% convinced I'll be skipping that one as well. To further reinforce this point, I also read on Wikipedia what happens in that book. All I can say is, Nicholas Sparks, I will pray for you... may you find a good therapist.

Twisty Face

If you ask me, "Can't we all just get along?" is actually a much harder concept than it seems. It does seem easy. In theory, if you find yourself at odds with someone over any issue - large or small - it would be wise to just take a deep breath and move on. And, when it comes to the large stuff, I think I do a pretty good job of this. When it comes to the small stuff, I find myself wanting to, as my grandmother would say, pitch a hissy fit. You know, a foot-stomping, hand-flapping, face all twisted up kind of a fit.

On a personal level, I'm fairly conservative. Yet, on a larger scale, I don't think I have an issue accepting how other people are different from me. That's not to say I won't stand up for my own spiritual and ethical beliefs, but I have no problem allowing others to have their own beliefs as well. I don't want their beliefs forced on me, so I don't force mine on them. Mature, adult conversation is fine... not "being friends" with someone because they don't go to church or because they vote differently from me is just idiocy that I can't imagine. So why can't I let it go so easily on far less important things?

I've come to the conclusion that either have outrageous expectations of people in day-to-day life... or that I am awful. Kelli and I have joked a number of times that maybe we get along so well because we're equally socially inept. It's true. I can't even pretend it's not. If I were in Kindergarten, I'd probably get a note sent home stating that I do not play well with others. I connect with people primarily here... on Facebook, on my blog, etc. Connecting three-dimensionally is a reserved for a small group outside of my family. To be in that group, I have to feel you won't judge or question the twisty-face look I frequently have when observing the actions of others. Furthermore, I have to feel you won't cause the twisty face. If I have to wonder why you do the things you do, we probably aren't going to hang out a lot. If I have to ask someone else if something you do is normal, we're probably not going to hang out at all. Is that the best approach? Doubtful. But, lack of self-awareness is high on my list of hissy-fit inducers... so I might be brash, but at least I'm aware of it. That counts for something, right?

I'm also finding out that as my stress level increases, my ability to "fake it" decreases. On a normal, laid-back day, I can generally feel the twisty face coming on and I can squelch it. I can smile and nod and pretend my brain isn't boiling. Stressful days... not so much.

Things are currently stressful. We're smack in the middle of company-wide training. I'm at the point where I'm tired of hearing / presenting the material over and over again... and yet knowing we're only halfway done. On top of it, I'm sick. (Starting to feel a lot better, but still sick enough to be annoyed even more easily.) I'm tired. I haven't been sleeping well because of the cough I have and the fact that I had to travel again. I'm aggravated by the time of year. I hate Christmas shopping. Etc., etc., etc.

Yesterday, I had countless twisty-face moments. Most notably, when a person in training continued on and on about the flaws in the software. Guess what... I didn't write the software. Guess what else... for every flaw, there are a million benefits. She just kept saying "This is a lot of work. We're going to miss something. Why can't the software just do ______." I finally said "Look, the software can't do your job for you. You can't be complacent and just assume it's right. You are still responsible to put out good work even if it's a little harder." I mean, should I have to say that to someone who is older and better paid than me? No. Is a twisty-face very professional? Also no. But she got one anyway.

Then, I made the mistake of going shopping after training. I should have known that one twisty-face begets another. I pulled into the shopping center and saw a great parking spot one row over. There were some ladies loading up their car in the next stall but I figured they would be nearly done by the time I drove around there. And they were. Yet, they stood in the stall I wanted and just chatted. A couple seconds for the "Thanks for meeting me. I love the new purse you got. See you soon!" stuff is fine. Hanging out and having a cup of tea while someone is clearly waiting to pull into the spot is rude. Okay, there was no tea involved. But there was a twisty-face. And this:

No, of course I didn't nudge them with my car. However, it appears I would have had at least some support if I had decided to do so.

Sadly, those events encompass about one hour of the day yesterday. I could give you more examples but I'd just end up looking like the crotchety, crazy neighbor who hides out in her house and threatens to turn the hose on kids who won't get off her lawn. (Okay, fine... I've done that too.)

Basically I am just venting. I don't like being bad at things. I know I am bad at interacting with people a lot of the time. Part of me wants to improve. The other part of me is afraid that I will make the twisty-face so often in the process that another thing my grandmother talks about would happen and my face might actually freeze that way! Just be advised that I haven't figured it out yet and if I give you a strange look that leaves you wondering "Is that the twisty-face thing she talked about?", the answer is probably yes. I suggest you distract me with a latte. Pumpkin Spice or Caramel Brulee will do nicely.

Why do I keep watching House Hunters?

If you ask me what's on my mind right now, I'd have plenty to tell you. First, there was no movie review yesterday because I was sick in bed most of the day. I got a sinus infection last week that cleared up pretty well, except for leaving behind a nagging cough. I was up most of Sunday night coughing. Boo! And, even if I had been well, I wouldn't have a movie review because I didn't watch any movies this week - except for going to the theater to see New Moon again. I know, I know.

I have a lot of thoughts about Charlie Weis being fired from Notre Dame but I doubt you want to hear those.

Also, I might tell you that I am leaving town again for more training fun. I am sure you can sense how excited I am. However - fingers crossed - this should be might last overnight trip of the year. That's something, right?

Next, I keep thinking about how much I hate holiday commercials. Really. I hate them. Not because I don't like Christmas. I mean, I don't like Christmas, but I would hate the commercials even if I loved Christmas. I am convinced my friend Andie is part elf, yet she even hates them. It's not just me. The jewelry ones are the worst. I don't know who Jared is, but I hope he gets run over by some reindeer. And Kay? What is with that cheesy "cabin in the woods during a storm" thing? I mean, the girl screams when it thunders and the dude gives her a piece of jewelry?

Yet, the main thing on my mind right now is House Hunters. You see, when you are home sick, you watch a lot of TV (propagating my annoyance of commercials). Having been "under the weather" for over a week now, I've watched even more TV than usual... a Deadliest Catch marathon, a Storm Chasers marathon, several My Fair Wedding with David Tutera episodes... and, of course, House Hunters. I watch House Hunters a lot anyway, but even more so the past few days. And my question is "Why?" It's a dreadfully annoying show. (In case you've never watched it, the show basically follows home buyers and their real estate agent as they tour three potential houses and then show the house the people end up buying and what it looks like a few months after they get moved into it.) Yet, I love it. So, today I'd like to share some of the conclusions I've come to based on watching House Hunters.

People don't know many adjectives: I don't think I've ever watched an episode where the word "nice" was used less than 60 times. "Those floors are nice." "The deck is nice." "This door knob is nice." And maybe those things are nice, but can't you mix it up a little? "I like that deck." "The bathroom is in good shape." Do these people not hear themselves saying "nice" every other word? Because listening to it is the opposite of nice.

People have no vision: I want to throw things at the TV every time I hear someone say "I don't know about this place. The paint colors are horrible." Seriously? You walk into a great house and you don't think you want to buy it because the walls are a weird shade of green? Um, it costs less than $50 to repaint a room... and that's only if you have to buy all the supplies too. I should know - I repaint rooms in our house alarmingly often. It's time-consuming but it's not that hard. I imagine everyone on the planet has at least one friend who has painted a room before and could be persuaded to help you. Or, if not, you and all your friends are probably super rich - so just hire someone to paint and stop whining. It's paint. It's not a deal breaker. Worry about things you can't change... like where the walls are or the train tracks nearby.

Especially in the kitchen, people are annoyingly spoiled: A word that gets used almost as much as "nice" is "dated" or "outdated". This ties back to the paint thing where people don't realize things can be changed. Now, I understand budget issues. I certainly couldn't afford a house that needed a complete remodel. But I also wouldn't pass up a good house because the kitchen cabinets were too light or the counter tops were tile. I'd go ahead and get the house and then save up to replace what needed updating when I could. Plus, what does "dated" even mean? Harvest gold appliances - probably. White appliances - hmm? Besides, if you can afford a $500,000 house, I think you can afford a $500 stove. And most buyers on House Hunters act like a counter top is made out of cardboard if it's not made out of granite. Sure, granite is "nice", but other materials can get the job done. It's okay not to have granite. Or 22 cabinets (yes, there was a girl who requested to only see homes with 22 or more cabinets. Ugh.) Furthermore, I spend a lot of time wondering how much these people even cook anyway.

People are cliche: Is it necessary to say "These windows let in a lot of light"? They are windows. What did you think think they did? Does the woman always have to open the closet and say to the man "Well, here's my closet. Where will your stuff go?" Some women have a lot of clothes. I get it. The joke is lame. How about "Well, I really hoped for a more open plan..." So basically you want one huge room and walls just around the bathroom? No, then you'd complain that there wasn't much privacy. Then there is wanting to buy in the heart of a downtown area and complain about parking. Um, have you never been downtown before? There's never parking. That's why people take cabs or buses. My favorite, though, is when people talk about entertaining. They need a deck to entertain. They need a big kitchen that spills into a huge living room for entertaining. Are my friends and I just losers who don't "entertain"? I mean, I have people over or get invited to other people's homes from time to time, but we're all more "grab a TV tray" types. Gasp! I guess I need to go buy a different house so I have somewhere to properly display the bacon-wrapped scallops I'm never going to make.

Sadly, I could keep on going with this list but I'll stop there. However, as I said before, I do like the show. I love seeing homes in different areas, especially on House Hunters International. It's the people that drive me crazy. Maybe I should just watch with the TV on mute! Otherwise, I'll be forced to think that everyone wants a huge home with an open floor plan, centrally-located to everything but in a quiet, private area, containing only brand new fixtures (that still have "character", of course), painted by psychics and costing pennies. That's realistic, right? (Don't even get me started on the people with multi-million dollar budgets or second homes. All I can say about that is that is must be NICE.)

What about you? Anyone have any thoughts on House Hunters? Or have any other shows you love to hate?