If you ask me anything right now, you'll probably get a blank look. Last week's inexplicable bad mood seems to have subsided but has been replaced with a very blah mood. I guess it's like a bruise or something. Or maybe like having a terrible migraine one day and then that dull, achy feeling that follows for a few more days. I'm glad I'm not biting off heads as much this week, but I think feeling blah might be worse than feeling grouchy. At least grouchy is something. At least there is a certain momentary satisfaction that comes from snapping at someone. For a second, it feels good... like you did something. Like you made your point. Of course, there are hurt feelings and consequences that might come from it, but the temporary jolt of excitement is there.
For me, a blah mood is almost suffocating. I'm used to being very decisive. I'm used to knowing almost instantly how I feel about something, what I want to do, how I want to do it, etc. But when the blahs overwhelm me and I realize I don't give a crap, it's unsettling. Then, I try to talk myself out of the blahs. That's even worse. The logical part of my brain is saying "Audreya, what is your deal? Snap out of it! The sun is out today. There's a lot of good things on TV tonight. Tomorrow is pay day. And Friday. It's not so bad!!" But it seems like there is a fog over me that just responds to that internal dialogue with "Yeah... and?"
I guess part of it is that I started out the week in a very tedious way. I was at a conference for work. The conference itself was very informative, well-planned and beneficial. But the subject matter was a new federal guideline and how to make that work within our software. Does that sound exciting to anyone? I assure you that it is not. That's not a statement against the presenters or the conference, but really, how exciting can you make RESPA reform? And how cold can you make a hotel conference room before people actually begin to die? I know the lady organizing the conference asked the hotel to adjust the temperature and supposedly they did, but still, I'm pretty sure I entered the first stages of hypothermia. I think listening to mundane subject matter while praying none of your fingers fall off is enough to make even a woodland fairy come down with a case of the blahs.
Then our flight home was delayed. Three hours in an airport Chili's. Awesome. Add to it that my manager and Ryan Howard continued to talk about work the whole time. The other guy traveling with us, our corporate attorney (I admit I was concerned he would be the most boring and likely to engage in incessant work talk but was pleasantly surprised) grew weary of the conversation around the two-hour mark and began helping me with a crossword puzzle. Finally, we were able to board the plane. They continued to talk about work. I read a magazine on the mercifully short flight. Blah!
Yesterday, I didn't have to come to work at 8:00. Thankfully, I was granted a few hours reprieve since our flight got in so late. However, coming back and seeing the little errors and issues left for me to sort out did nothing to improve my mental state. The people who cover for me when I am out are fantastic and deal with the vast majority of things... but there are always a few pesky items with my name on them. Blah!
Today, I went to start on a project I have to do for the start of each quarter. It's not even something I should be doing. Accounting should take care of it... but you know how it goes when you offer to help once and suddenly it becomes your set-in-stone job... Anyway, my co-worker and I got ready to start on the project today and found the majority of it to be already done. What?! This is great news! Bye, bye, blah mood!! Oh, wait... of course it's done wrong. Welcome back, blah mood... glad you didn't go far! And then, I feel ungrateful. I'm so glad they helped... and yes, fixing the mistakes IS faster than doing it all from scratch... but that brief excitement followed by a quick let-down just makes the blahs swirl around in my head even more.
I'm not normally a beaming ray of sunshine, but I'm not usually such a dark cloud either. I'm not clinically depressed. I'm not in a stressful marriage. Money is not any tighter than usual. It's officially fall and I'm very happy about that. So, short of dementors having left Azkaban and relocated to Arkansas, I can't come up with a valid excuse for my mood (or lack thereof). I guess I'm just hoping if last week's mood was foul, this week's mood is blah, maybe next week will be average and the following week will be fantastic? Here's hoping...
So, what about you? Any proven remedies for the blahs? Or anyone want to tell me suck it up? I can't argue that I might need to hear that! (That just made me think of Vince Vaughn telling Owen Wilson to "get some real problems" in Wedding Crashers. And, I think I felt myself smile! Maybe I just need to have a Vince Vaughn-a-thon!)
On a lighter note, did anyone watch Modern Family last night? That was probably the only non-blah 30 minutes of my day. Hilarious!!!!